Pam Horton
/No Wonder Dad Fell In
We were living it up on one of the Norfolk Broads, although Mum said cooking beans all day was hardly her idea of life at its most ecstatic. Dad said try some bangers, then, at which mum hit him over the head with the bean ladle and said "Well, I tried one how did it feel?"
Dad didn't even know she'd hit him; he had his eyes glued to Pam Horton's Water Ski Spectacular.
“What incomparable skill," he breathed, his teeth grinding on his glass of local brew, "what verve, what execution, what a covey of utterly divine Aquamaids."
"You swine," said Mum, "you ought to be locked in the scuppers." Mum always talks like that when Dad starts reaching for his binoculars.
"Go and cook the beans," said Dad, jamming the binoculars against his glazed eyeballs. "Damn it," he added, "I can't see a thing, I'm all steamed up.' "Break your father's leg," said Mum, handing me an iron mallet.
Fortunately for my peace of mind - I'm a very sensitive child - that wasn't necessary. And no wonder.
No wonder what? No wonder Dad fell in and saved me from taking sides. As he got his binoculars focussed on the Aquamaids they came dancing over the water in a French Can-Can act and when Dad saw how absolutely delectable, they looked in close-up he crumpled at the knees and fell in. Mum leaned over the side and shouted, "How do you feel now, you old fool?"
"Blind me," murmured Dad, "it's a lovely way to go."
(Dad's impressionable mind apart, the Water Ski Spectacular is all it claims to be. On the left is PAM HORTON herself, the inspiration behind the aqua displays, and if Aquamaids are all like this you can't wonder Dad wants their autographs.)
Beautiful Britons No 135 - February 1967