Lynn Joyce

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Dial "H" For Help

This wasn't a case for 999 - LYNN JOYCE had merely forgotten to order the pork chipolatas from her local store for her big party.

She'd got the sticks and the mustard and the pickles, but not the chipolatas. I’ll bring them up on my bicycle, said the manager.

"That's really very sweet of you,” said Lynn, “and you're a great help. Without my chipolatas it would be panic stations up here.”

Now What?

"It really. is panic stations,” said Lynn,

" Because my dress hasn't come back from the cleaners and I can't receive my guests like this, can I?" Honestly, we wouldn't make any fuss.

Beautiful Britons No 80 - June 1962

Lynn Palmer

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Let's Get Away From It All

"What's that?" said Nigel.

"Let's get away from it all," said lovely LYNN PALMER.

"Where to?" said Nigel, who had Blackpool in mind.

"I rather fancy an island in the Pacific," said Lynn, "and I could wear a grass skirt and flowers."

Well, Nigel knew a grass skirt and flowers would be out of place in Blackpool, but a Pacific island seemed such a long way.

"How about the Isle of Wight ?" he said.

Lynn pushed him into a pothole. A pothole is the only place for a feller who doesn't want to get away from it all.

Spick & Span Extra No 50 - Spring 1974

Lynn Palmer

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Call For Miss Palmer

It was nice and quiet until the phone rang in the conservatory. It was a call for LYNN PALMER. There was a loud voice at the other end wanting to know what had happened to the fish, had it been shot to death and when Lynn, a window-dresser, had no idea what the idiot was on about and said so.

'Look here' said the idiot. "you're not trying to tell me you're dead ignorant about fish are you? You're Mavis Palmer, known as Underwater Lulu aren't you? You catch fish and sell them, don't you? Well, come round to my place and look at this skate you sold me. It's gone green."

"You've got the wrong person. I'm Lynn Palmer and I've never caught a fish in my life."

"Oh. really?" said the nut. "Well, stay there. I'll be right round and we'll go angling together