Renate Dittmann

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Don’t Get Shirty

It's no good rushing up and down the stairs and shouting your head off when you find your sister, or your wife has nicked your best shirt and is wearing it at the Festival of Flowers.

Women, especially sisters and wives, don't respond at all these days to men getting noisily shirty. Gone are the times when the little woman or the doting sister flinched and cowered at the mere sound of the brute. Lay a hand on your sister these days and you'll likely end up looking like the well-worn end of a Chinese puzzle. Put the lightest finger on your wife and you could find yourself scarred for life. Someone's been teaching them to fight back.

The boyfriend of RENATE DITTMAN is wise enough to know that whenever Renate borrows any shirt of his it's better for him to laugh it off. "My goodness," gasped Renate, "where's that shirt I was wearing?" “ I laughed it off," says he.

"Oh, clever stuff, hein?" says Renate, and punches him in the eye.

Renate Dittmann

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Favourite Fraulein

"Some of my best friends are Germans," said the man in the Piccadilly bar. "Oh? Why?" asked the second man whose name was Smith.

"I come from Munich,” said the first man.

"I tell you what," said Smith, eyeing a svelte redhead who'd just come in with a virile-looking guitar-player, "I'd like my best friend to come from West Berlin.”

"Please explain more," said the man from Munich, "I am most interested, although it is not in West Berlin where you will find the most happy Germans, but in Munich. I am from Munich.”

"And very nice too, " said Smith sort of non-commit tally. "But I'm not thinking of someone like you. It's been a pleasure meeting you, but l've got a different shape in mind. It's a girl.

"Ah," said the man from Munich.

"She's my favourite fraulein," said Smith, "and her name is RENATE DITTMANN and she doesn't half make my tonsils twitch. Talk about sex appeal. I certainly couldn't wish for a best friend better than her. We could have some marvellous outings to museums. How are you on museums?"

"I am fine. How are you on German beer?"

"Well, if you insist,” said Smith, "I’II have another lager and a hot frank-furter.”

Beautiful Britons No 154 - September 1968