Kelly Rand
/Student Princess
Ah, your Highness, to whom do I have the honour of looking at ?
To whom do you have the honour of what at, you uneducated villain?
What do you mean, you scurvy knave of ungrammatical idiocy?
say, you're in a bit of a royal tantrum today, aren't you. O Queen of all the Mountains? I was only asking, like.
You've got a sauce. Coming up to me as if you had blue blood instead of something like whitewash. Get ye hence or come dawn and ye shall dangle from my yardarm.
Now now, O Magnificence, you're not in your purple barge, you know.
No, come on, stop all this royal fiddle-faddling and tell me who that utterly delightful dolly is sitting on the fence in your royal park.
Oh, smitten, are you? You've got a hope, you miserable peasant. That, O Per rival of small account, is a student princess. That is to say, you imitation dogsbody, she is a college student in Coventry, England, who is a princess among all students, and unless you keep your big, horrible eyes off her I'll have you scuppered.
Oh, really? How exquisite. What's her name?
Her name, O Insignificance, is KELLY RAND. Well, give her my card, will you? Tell her fit crowns.
Spick No 176 - July 1968