Gloria Gene

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Mission In Majorca

"Well, so long, Hortense," said Humphrey, "I'm off now."

"You've been off since you took that assault course in 1944,” said his wife. "See you in a couple of months," said Humphrey.

"Oh no you don't," said Hortense, holding him back by his ear, "you'll see me same as usual when you come home from the gravel pits."

"I've changed me vocation," said Humphrey, "I'm off on a mission to Majorca."

"Top secret?" said Hortense, twisting his ear anti-clockwise. It hurts more that way.

"Hardly," said Humphrey, not minding the pain because of the semiconscious bliss that pervaded him. "I'm just going to spend my time looking for FO 777. No, leggo me ear, I'm all agog."

"What's FO 777—a pre-war Bentley?" asked Hortense.

"It's Female Operative No. 777," replied Humphrey, "and my mission is to find her in Majorca before some other swine finds her first.”

"That's not going to take you a couple of months," said his wife.

"I reckon to find her in a week," said Humphrey, "the rest of the time is for social bliss."

"I thought so,” said Hortense. "Come here," she said and yanked him indoors, belted him stupid and then made him stand in a corner until all his hot romantic flushes had died down.

Humphrey, you see, had heard that Yorkshire girl GLORIA GENE was going to Majorca, and as Gloria is a honey-eating cracker who looks marvellous in a Majorcan bikini measuring 36-24-36, Humphrey didn't want to be left out of all the joys of playing beach ball with her. It was Hortense who sabotaged him.

Wives are lovely and protective.

Gloria is not only shapely, but she keeps in shape by enjoying all the vigour of an outdoor life, and among her pursuits is a love of swimming in natural waters, not pools. Her home town is Goole in Yorkshire.

Jane Downing

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It Won't Go Round

It wasn't half a problem for housewife JANE DOWNING, who wanted to get from here to there without wasting time and when her only available transport was a junior two-wheeler.

Hitching up in her mini, Jane rode like the dappers, as they say. Something twanged on the crest of the hill and it wasn't a simple suspender. It was something highly mechanical. The bike pitched to a halt and Jane fell off.

"What a silly old stupid old front wheel," she said after five minutes of poking it and thumping it, "it won't go round."

However, a passing motorist pulled up and offered her a lift. Jane would have gratefully accepted, only he had a great big dog with huge teeth in the back of the car, so she said no, she'd wait for the bus.

That's Jane doing her waiting stint. She stopped all the traffic, not just the bus.

Linda White

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Girl In A Mini

We've featured many girls in many minis, but there’s always room for one more, as the jolly sailor said when he pushed his way into the crowded Turkish Baths for Ladies.

"Here, gedoudavit,” yelled Lady Appledaw as she saw him through the steam.

"That's all right, don't mind me," he said, but the crowded ladies minded very much and shoved him into the steam vault, and he's been a bright red ever since.

Actually, we meant, of course, that there’s always room for one more girl in a mini, especially LINDA WHITE. Linda is a beauty consultant and has been in America for two years, working her way from coast to coast to see the country and to help lovely Americans look lovelier.

Pamela Day

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Just Right

Just right indeed is pretty PAMELA DAY, a perfect representative of the attractive modern miss of today. Figure just right, smile just right and fashion flair just right. It’s a sure indication that every modern girl has a film star’s potential, but fortunately for ninety-nine percent of us ordinary men most of them just settle for a happy home.

Making the most of her frills, Pamela makes a perfect picture on the step- ladder, and we’ll settle for Pamela being just that.

There’s a smile for you. How can you resist it? All right, you can’t and we know you can’t.

Alison Aitken

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Nine-To-Five

In an extremely unpretentious way ALISON AITKEN is a staunch supporter of society, and considers its advantages more than outweigh its shortcomings.

"You have to live, you have to make your way in life,” she says, "and how can you do that if you loaf around and do nothing but moan about how you can't stand the pressures? You contribute what you can to life by doing a job of work.

It may be only a comparatively unimportant job, but it's something you can get on with."

Alison is a shorthand-typist and works from nine till five quite happily. She likes being a pin-up girl when she can find time to pose for the camera, and thinks it's lots of giggles and fun.

Alison is lots of fun herself.

Sally Fairfax

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So You're Miss Fairfax?

SALLY FAIRFAX please, and yes, you've caught me in my stole.

Barbara Archer

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Hello Again

And a big hallo it is for BARBARA ARCHER, the girl we're always pleased to see again and again. On this occasion Babs was showing us how she looked on her Spanish holiday, and we said, yes, my word, we like you in those black nylons, Babs. To which Babs replied, with a rather whimsical look in her eyes, that it was the hat, man, the hat. And we said good grief, just the hat?

"Whit,” said Barbara crisply, "are you implying?" (Barbara is a Fleet Street secretary and uses phrases like that).

We said we thought she meant she went around Spain in just the hat. and Babs said not only was that quite absurd but she could prove it by her suntan, which wasn’t all over.

Paula Vance

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That's Me!

Face to face with herself is pert and pretty PAULA VANCE.

Paula’s a girl who can square up to a mirror with more confidence than we can!

All the mirror tells us is that we need another shave. What it tells Paula is that she doesn’t need a thing - she’s loaded with everything that counts.

Everything that counts may include lolly, but actually we weren't thinking of lolly .

Ann Wright

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Black Net

The long-legged brunette in black net and saucy sombrero is ANN WRIGHT. Ann would like to live in the tropics, where this sort of outfit would be quite in keeping. In the wintry British climate, however, fur boots and mufflers are the order of the day, and they don’t suit Ann’s personality at all.

“Even mink," says Ann, "is just another fur to me. I’m the light-weight type ’’

We presume Ann only wears the hat in case it starts to rain.

Anytime the subject of who’s got the nicest legs comes up for discussion, the list of eligibles should include Ann.

And if you' want to talk about what to wear with a black hat, who’s pointing the way for you?

Ben's Books

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Strip Lingerie No 10

Melanie Cooper

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Farmers Girl

It doesn’t mean that MELANIE COOPER is a milkmaid or ploughs the fields or harvests the corn.

It only means that Melanie, who lives in the lush county of Hampshire, is the toast of any farmer who has a discriminating eye for sex appeal and can get his mind off his beetroots.

That’s not difficult for a farmer’s boy when Melanie is around the place, but it’s sometimes difficult for a dedicated farmer. A dedicated farmer is a man who can’t think about anything but tomorrow’s weather. A farmer’s boy hasn’t got those problems. Melanie likes farmers because they’re lean and masculine and look very vital on horses. Farmer’s boys are only for patting on the head.

Vicki Campbell and Janet Neill

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Skirts Are Shorter!

How high can a hemline soar? VICKI CAMPBELL and JANET NEILL give us a preview of their reply to the Parisian designers. Any poll you care to take will show 99% in favour of the Campbell-Neill line.

The 1% ! That’ll be our office boy—he thinks Vicki and Janet could have lopped off another couple of inches. That boy’s too old for his years.

Aleisha Phillips

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Oriental Look

The look is oriental, and you might expect the name to be, too. But it's not Little - Flower - That Flutters - In - The - Wind or Blossom - With - The - Cherry - Red - Petals it's ALEISHA PHILLIPS. The Christian name may have an almond flavour to it but don’t be fooled - Aleisha is a Beautiful Briton. Nevertheless, drape her in a kimono, place her unobtrusively in a Tokyo bus queue, and the nearest the Nips will get to classing her as a foreigner will be Shanghai. Is it the delicate slant to those beautiful brown eyes?

No, but listen. Aleisha’s never been to Tokyo or to Shanghai. We don’t think she’s even been in a bus queue.

She rides in taxis and she’s strictly a no chop-suey type. That alluring, exotic Eastern look just developed along with her slim and shapely legs, and any mysterious Oriental characteristics she’s acquired are really quite Occidental.

Now fashion modelling in London, Aleisha shows that black lingerie tailored around her trim 35 - 25 - 35 figure looks good from all angles, and she models it with the sweet assurance of a Tokyo counterpart who's left her kimono on the hook.

Ben's Books

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Strip Lingerie No 8

Christina Bartsch

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Student Swinger

Outside the campus, where there was a satisfactory amount of rustic quiet and the student demo had packed up for tea, CHRISTINA BARTSCH celebrated her victorious exam results in swinging exhilaration.

With her maxi going all ways, much to the delight of a wandering minstrel who was looking for a place to unpack his sandwiches and his guitar, Christina was like feminine poetry in frilly motion.

The wandering minstrel stopped wandering. He sat down on a grassy hillock and played one of his own compositions, which sounded a bit like he'd pinched it from a gypsy cantata. Still, the rhythm was just right for our swinging student and it all looked like a lovely Can-Can in Arcadia.

Christina wants to be a research scientist.

You'd never think so to look at her. She's far too lovely to hide herself away in a land-locked laboratory.