There's nothing wrong with the great outdoors that you can't cure by staying indoors. Cor, what a draught.
But sometimes circumstances force you out and keep you there. Like when TV personality ANNE SCOTT took an outdoor modelling assignment and couldn't ethically back out. And when she found she was modelling lingerie in a temperature that called for a fur coat, she knew what outdoor hazards really were.
Talk about how to look glamorous with shivers rocketing up and down your spine. What a petrifying carry-on.
"I think I'd rather be a non-combatant mercenary,” said Anne.
"What's a non-combatant mercenary?” asked Fred.
"Well,” said Anne, "you get a fabulous wage but you don't have to do any fighting. You sit in the lady officers' mess drinking hot soup and looking terribly cute in a pretty uniform.”
"Mini-skirted?” asked Fred.
"Naturally," said Anne.
"Okay," said Fred, "I'll join the same lot and sit in the lady officers' mess with you.”
"But bring your own soup," said Anne.