Ann Carol Keyes

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They Don't Make Them Like This in Tonka

Where's Tonka?

Oh, somewhere in the heart of undiscovered waters a thousand miles from the Great Barrier Reef. Nothing to do with Tonga, just a place on its own. They don't make anything there except coconut-fibre sarongs, and they aren't half itchy.

And they certainly don't make mini-skirted dollies like ANN CAROL KEYES. Ann is so photogenic, what with her dishy suspenders and all, that masculine eyeballs get sort of struck rigid. Mint-flavoured custard is the only cure. Tastes awful but what other antidote is there?

Ann, a young and healthy picture of glamour, has no impossible ambitions. She's just looking forward to having a husband, home and babies in time. Lovely.

Andrea Kay

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What a Doll

Two fellers were waiting for the bus when ANDREA KAY walked by.

"What a doll," said one.

"I can't look round. I've got a stiff neck," said the other.

"You don't know what you're missing," said the first.

So, the second feller made a big effort and turned his head. His stiff neck clicked.

"Caramba, what a cure for seized-up neck muscles," he said hoarsely.

Andrea was tripping along, looking like the shapely epitome of corking dolly birds, and the second feller's eyeballs seized up, and when the bus came along he couldn't see for looking and fell all the way up the stairs.