Jennifer Williams

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Come into the Office

"Well, look here, I don't know," said the maddened Mr. Hubboard, panicking around the local electricity headquarters, "I've got an account here for thirty-five million quid and sixty-two pence. Am I being done for life or what?"

"Come into the office, do," said the cool velvet voice of JENNIFER WILLIAMS, the accounts clerk.

He looked into her blue eyes and followed her in. Somehow thirty-five million quid didn't seem important anymore. Jennifer works for the Electricity Board and has the most charming way of making hurt clients feel that someone cares.

"I think it must be the computer,' she said, "let's put your account through again, sir.

So, he inserted it into the gaping maw of the computer but being in a bit of a trance he forgot to let go and went through himself. The computer didn't half get ratty. All its lights went berserk, and it ejected Mr. Hubboard with lightning playing all round him and stamped 'Inadmissible Interloper.' His account followed with the sixty- two pence knocked off.

"Oh dear," said Jennifer, "you still seem to owe us an awful lot, sir. "What's money?" said Mr. Hubboard, all over supercharged voltage.

Spick No 231 - February 1973

Diane McCall

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Want To Bet ?

No, Scottish dolly DIANE McCALL isn't a Bunny.

She's just trying out her costume for the local Curling Club's fancy dress ball, and it's all her own work, so there.

Diane is a shorthand-typist and a lover of dancing. She also likes London, Paris and Brussels, and wouldn't mind flying her own plane to and from these cities when the weekend at home is rainy.

No, she doesn't have a plane, not yet. And she hasn't learnt to fly one, not yet. But looking at today's trends, want to bet it won't happen in a year or two?

Beautiful Britons No 227 - October 1974

Christina Frances

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Back To Alma Mater

It was a blushing ex-pupil who went back to her alma mater in the spring. Lovely CHRISTINA FRANCES of Manchester had forgotten how many beans make five and what the French was for, "I'm sorry, but I am otherwise engaged, m'sieu."

Christina travels extensively on modelling assignments, and in a month takes in such places as Tunisia, Spain, Majorca, Corfu and Paris. It's in Paris that confusion sometimes sets in, when an admiring and gallant Frenchman asks for the enchantment of her company to dinner and Christine can't think of quite the right words to tactfully discourage him.

So, when she had a moment or two in the spring, she went back to her college to brush up her French. Having grown into a very shapely lady since she left, she found her old school uniform didn't quite fit. The new sports master was quite delightfully agog, and Christina blushed rosier, especially when he said, "Never mind the French, come and try the parallel bars in our new gym."

Spick No 260 - July 1975

Eve Law and Marie Graham

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What Fun

The one up the tree is EVE LAW. She's delicious. The other one is MARIE GRAHAM. She's corking. There's no denying that the only thing more photogenic than one fascinating bird is a duo of same.

They're having fun in the countryside on a Saturday afternoon. It's a change from chasing up progress reports for the boss. They're both secretaries and both look absolutely ravishing in their minis, besides being prepared to believe men still like to see a bit of the old suspender look. They're both pop fans and some swingy groupie music in the balmy outdoors makes a Saturday afternoon groovy. We didn't have the space to feature all the eye-catching pics we have of the girls, so look out next month for more of Eve and Marie.

Spick No 204 - November 1970

Sandra Pullan

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Study In Application

To go to Italy and speak the language like a native helps to make a holiday free of all kinds of confusion, to say nothing of clarifying the positive and the negative.

So, SANDRA PULLAN is learning the language at her local evening classes. At home in Bradford, she's a study in application, which means she single mindedly gets on with her homework. She wants to avoid what happened to her friend Jemima. Jemima, in Rome, asked a passing Roman where the Coliseum was. She used phrase-book idiom. Next thing she knew the ardent Roman was carrying her off to his mansion across the Tiber and it took her twenty minutes of turmoil to convince him that if he didn't put her down, she'd bite his head off.

Sandra is going to do without any phrase book.

Beautiful Britons No 227 - October 1974

Kay de Lisle

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Something To Smile About

Life is just right at the moment for housewife KAY DE LISLE. There was a slight setback a little while ago when six men came to build a swimming pool in her back garden because she and hubby had only ordered a small indoor aquarium for a pair of goldfish, and the swimming pool have put the house itself in the deep end.

Kay soon sorted that one out. Six men with digging gear and two concrete mixers were no match for one housewife and a pair of goldfish.

Currently Kay's joy is a new boat which she and hubby skim around in at weekends. She lives on the South Coast and boats are lovely for messing about in. She wore a lovely white and blue mini dress on their first excursion, with a sailor hat. Off Poole she fell in. She was on the starboard side and never could tell left from her right. Since then, she wears a bikini and a life jacket.

This is Kay in her mini. Fancy falling overboard in that. How lovely.

Span No 218 - October 1972

Sylvia Ternes

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Say Hello To A Fraulein

As a matter of fact, the first thing Ben Wilkings did say to SYLVIA TERNES when she stepped off the boat train from Dover was hello.

He was carrying a bag for a Dutch aunt of his, who was on her way back to Ormskorms, wherever that is, and as Sylvia came ashore he was so smitten he almost gave up golf for good.

"Hello," he said.

Sylvia, just over from Germany, had been told about the permissive English in terms that nearly made her cancel her visit. She knew (from what she'd been told) that there was only one thing to do. She was carrying her weapon at the ready (just in case) and without hesitation she used it. It was a West German knockberry.

The Dutch aunt looked round as she heard a thud. She saw Ben flat out. "Oh, do get up, she said, "I haven't got all day to catch the boat."

When you're saying hello to a fraulein, you'd expect your Dutch aunt to be on your side if you got conked, wouldn't you?

Span No 212 - April 1972

Susan Benson

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Stopover For Susan

Coming very smartly from the airport is SUSAN BENSON, an air hostess with an American airline.

She has an apartment in London. On her stopovers in London, she likes to put her aching feet up. That's the natural inclination of any air hostess who's regularly on her feet all the way from New York to London.

Susan likes a good book, conversational men, and the theatre.

Beautiful Britons No 205 - December 1972

Bridie Goodwin

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The Day The UFO landed

'I was tucking in me bib and just a-going to unplug me cheese sandwiches.' said Gaffer Haywick, "when something came out of nowhere. knowed it was out of nowhere, like, because I never seen it coming and if it had a been coming my old Sal would have hollered. My old Sal ain't a missed nothing providing she seen it first, like.'

"Ah," said the bobby, taking notes.

"First thing knowed there she was,' said Gaffer, pushing some upset cheese back into place, "and a-sitting on me fence. How she got there I dunno. Flew out of this yere engineering contraption, I reckon. I asked her if she was a Martian and if she was she better not let my old Sal see her, old Sal don't like foreigners. We had one here once, from Little Crumpton, he wasn't nothing my old Sal couldn't have eaten for supper."

"Ah,' said Constable Philpot, "where's this thing she landed in?''

"There,"' said Gaffer, full of cheese.

"That's no thing,' said the bobby, "that's a Jaguar E-Type."

"I dunno what you call it,' said Gaffer, "we ain't ever seen nothing round here except a horse and cart and been here seventy years man and boy."

Poor old Gaffer. Imagine him thinking BRIDE GOODWIN, a secretary from London, was a Martian. What could old Sal have looked like?

Span No 218 - October 1972

Toni Weekes

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Chelsea Form

There's a lot of form about in Chelsea these days. It's all those dolly birds and their curves.

One of them is TONI WEEKES, and as her form shapes up to 37-24-37, and she's also got a lovely pair of legs, she's among those who make Chelsea such a chirpy place to be in.

Toni works in a West-end store. You can't miss her.

Not with her enchanting statistics.

Spick & Span Extra No 55 - Summer 1975

Gloria Gene and Caroline Spencer

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A Taste of Honey

To make up a very sweet feature here are two natural honies. GLORIA GENE and CAROLINE SPENCER.

Gloria is a natural for honey. She likes it. She eats it. They say it holds the secret of long life and health. We used to think an apple a day did that. That was only old wives' stuff, apparently. The real thing is honey. Well, you can see how lovely Gloria looks on it. She's a Yorkshire girl.

Caroline Spencer only gets the honey pot out on Sundays. Caroline is a busy housewife who keeps fit on being wholly occupied every hour of every day, and busy days and honey once a week make her look gorgeous - which is an example to all you girls who lounge about at weekends and eat cream buns.

Span No 191 - July 1970

Elaine Burrows

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New Face In Old Place

Seen for a day in the old market town of Banbury was ELAINE BURROWS. She was there to buy a horse. She's always wanted one of her own. When she was five, she had a half share in a red-and-white rocking-horse. Her brother owned the other half. He always made her sit on the back end, so Elaine was more often off than on.

Anyway, having grown up--and you can see just how well she's accomplished this at eighteen-Elaine is off rocking-horses for good. It was a real live one she was looking for in Banbury. She was a new face to the old horse-traders. They'd have liked her to stay for a week but having acquired her horse Elaine rode out of town and went to meet Dick Turpin.

He's nobody notorious, just a boy with a guitar.

Beautiful Britons No 205 - December 1972

Marie Graham

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Go-Go Gal

Of course, anyone who goes out fishing in the North Sea when there's an awful lot of winter about, is usually the most dedicated type who won't be happy until he's sure he's got fish on your table for Friday lunch. Do you ever stop to think what you owe the dedicated North Sea trawlerman?

He doesn't have a warm office and a lovely secretary like MARIE GRAHAM. Marie is a secretary from Bournemouth and is the sweetest thing, don't you think?

She's curvily sylph-like at 36"-23"-36" and although she likes her job, there's something she likes better. Go-Go dancing. Marie has so much vitality that she can go-go for four hours on end. After just an hour strong young men crumple and get cold water thrown over them, but Marie keeps go-going.

It's girls like Marie who make people over thirty feel like being pensioned off.

And it's Marie's lovely legs that keep her go-going.

Honestly, anyone who has the kind of job that precludes comfort, coffee, and biscuits at eleven and a deliciously beautiful secretary like Marie ought to chuck it all up and start again in some palatial office suite.

Think what you're missing, man.

Span No 191 - July 1970

Susan Smith

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The Simple Things of Life

After devoting several years to modelling SUSAN SMITH decided to opt for the simple things of life.

A husband, a home, and a garden.

It's worked out very nicely, and that's one in the eye for the social anarchists for a start.

Wouldn't it be peaceful if they all went and lived on a desert island and drove each other round the twist?

Then we could all enjoy the simple things.

Beautiful Britons No 205 - December 1972

Carol Wootton

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Student With a Mission

They don't all throw things, you know. There are a large number of students getting down to their work. Like CAROL WOOTTON.

Carol is eighteen and her current mission as a student is to obtain a B.Sc. Honours Degree, which is quite a mission for one who could go through life just looking elegantly beautiful.

However, those gentle good looks hide an acute intelligence that can knock you sideways if you decide to start an intellectual argument with her. Stick to football or cricket, otherwise you'll be out of your depth.

Carol is an enchanting example of a girl who is not just a pretty face. Aren't you pleased?

Span No 191 - July 1970