Pauline Gorvin

/

The Perils of Pauline

Ah, yes, there was this villainous miscreant who tied Emily Engadine to the railway line. Emily, the beautiful counter-intelligence agent, is actually none other than PAULINE GORVIN, a lovely Hampshire girl.

Well, some awfully decent bloke rescued her, Pauline dashed off, jumped into her red sports car, and roared off in pursuit of a devilish plot hatched by some unshaven burks who had it in for the Royal Navy. On the road Pauline picked up a dashing captain, they stopped at a roadhouse for a quick steak medium-rare and a bottle of champagne. They stayed for coffee and had a lovely evening, and as for the unshaven burks, they got jammed up in a level crossing and the Royal Navy sailed at dawn, after all.

Beautiful Britons No 153 - August 1968

June Gordon

/

We're Off

Before we were indescribably smitten by a fair maid from afar, we were thinking of settling down before our winter fireside in a state of soporific hibernation.

Then we saw JUNE GORDON. She was just going home to Scotland. So, we cancelled the order for winter fuel and gave up all idea of hibernating. A rush of vibrant corpuscles to the head had sent us all agog and it was like Spring in the park again.

In other words, we're off.

We're either off to Scotland or off our head.

June is a secretary and the girl we'd most like to be lost in the typing pool with. What grace, what charm, what fair elegance.

As the coalman said when a hundredweight sack fell on his head, "I've gone all fragile.' It's a feeling of being far, far away.

Beautiful Britons No 144 - November 1967

Marie Graham

/

Very Vital is Housewife Marie Graham

Very vital is housewife MARIE GRAHAM. She belongs to a keep-fit class, a tennis club, a boomerang learners' cycle-

Hold on, wait a moment, what's a boomerang learners' cycle?

You know about Australia, don't you, thickhead?

Yeh, and about boomerangs, but I don't know about boomerang learners.

In that case, shut up, yes, and not only is Marie learning how to hurl a boomerang and dodge it on the way back, but she's also doing car maintenance and athletics.

Ye gods, that's enough, I'm all-over racked nerves.

So, you should be at your age.

Spick & Span Extra No 52 - Autumn 1974

Caron Townsend

/

Nuts Can Do Wonders

One gorilla met another gorilla.

There was the sound of the most awful thudding crunch. But gorillas being what they are they didn't even notice, they just grinned at each other.

One said to the other, "You're looking well, Hairy, apart from your teeth."

Said the other, "I've found a new kind of nut-look." And he opened his huge great mouth and pointed to the back of his throat, and the first gorilla put his stupid head in and Hairy bit it right off. "I didn't think much of his hair cream, "he said later to his lady gorilla.

Gorillas, of course, do love nuts. Nuts can do wonders for girls as well as gorillas. It's all those proteins. Look at London dolly CARON TOWNSEND. Caron is eighteen and an absolute dish. Peanuts or cashew nuts, Caron can't resist either. That's why she's got a lovely complexion and a curvy figure.

Nuts can do the same for you and make you a stunning 37-23-36.

Not if you're a feller, however.

Span No 207 - November 1971

Maria Rolando

/

Miss Cinema

That's the title the Italians have given lovely Latin MARIA ROLANDO.

Maria, of course, is a genuine Continental sizzler.

Apart from winning titles, Maria has a talent for inventing new dance routines.

Her latest is a hula-hoop samba. All you need is a hoop and a shape like Maria's. The rest is easy.

Span No 60 - August 1959

Susan Carroll

/

Bookish

Girl who likes a good book is SUSAN CARROLL, and when Susan's deep in a good book it's no good ringing her up and suggesting a cosy date at a new Chinese restaurant because she won't be free until she's reached the end of the last chapter.

Aside from all that, Susan is a gay girl, likes fast cars and chivalrous men and going for walks around old ruins. Know any old ruins that might be worth a visit? She's been to all the castles.

Spick No 186 - May 1969

Gina Barren

/

Looking For a Gardener ?

Are you onerously tied to your garden? Like some help, would you? Then look around for someone lovely and horticultural like GINA BARREN. Gina is twenty, she was born in Liverpool and is now a London model.

Her hobby is gardening. Adores it she does. Can't have enough of the old spade and fork. Likes to plant things and watch them grow. Keeps all the flowers looking beautiful. Keeps herself looking tanned and streamlined. 35-23-35. Doesn't wear a bra but ignores Women's Lib. Loves roses and dahlias. Owns long stunning legs. Likes men who can make her laugh as long as they know how to prune plum trees.

Absolutely exotic in a herbaceous border, is Gina.

Marie Graham & Eve Law

/

I Can't Come Now

"I can't come now," said MARIE GRAHAM, Hampshire secretary, "I'm all tied up."

"It's only the milkman, anyway," said EVE LAW, ditto, "and he's nobody."

It was all in aid of some amateur dramatics, and Eve was dedicated to making it all look brilliantly authentic. This included getting Marie all tied up and then tickling her foot.

"This is hysterical," said Marie.

"That's right," said Eve, "just shriek your head off kind of lifelike."

Marie thought it was all very well to be kind of lifelike, but there's a point when too much reality turns into how to go bonkers on an overdose of giggling heebie-jeebies.

At which point it's time to suggest a break for coffee

Well, we'll leave it at that and bring you more of the girls next month. Don't get too worked up waiting.

Span No 200 - April 1971

Caroline Adams

/

Exhileration

Never mind the crises, which are always with us; anyway. Concentrate on the fact that being alive in this wonderful world of lush pastures is far better than being just a cold, stark stiff in the ground.

Look at CAROLINE ADAMS.

There's exhilaration for you, as well as a saucy wink.

Caroline is all set to look ahead, while glum blokes like Fred are looking back and talking about what it was like when Robin Hood was alive. All merry jostling and jousting in Nottingham and dancing the Maybell with buxom maids.

What's the Maybell?

Well, if you make a hit, it's a real ring-a-ding for a night and a day.

Span No 234 - February 1974