Maria Assin

It Wasn’t For Want of Trying

There was this rubber canoe, see.

It was a new acquisition for MARIA ASSIN. Maria works all week in an office and spends all week-ends out-of-doors. That way a girl manages to keep pretty and vital.

Maria had the darnedest trouble launching the canoe and even more trying to get into it. It couldn't have been more difficult trying to get on the neck of an elephant with a rope ladder.

There's a classical method of launching and paddling a canoe, of course One, you swoosh it into the water. Two, you sling your left leg over the starboard side. Three, you sling your right leg in. Four—as Maria found out—you fall flat on your face over the port side.

No one can say Maria didn't try. She did. Both classical and un-classical methods. The canoe remained obdurately determined, Maria likewise. It became a fight to the finish.

“Pardon me,” called a wag from dry land, “but watch out for the torpedoes.”

“Blow the torpedoes,” said Maria, “I’m in at last and now it’s full steam ahead.”

It’s one thing to be an obdurately determined young lady, and quite another to be over-confident.

It wasn't the torpedoes.

It was the canoe.

It gave a wet cough and Maria went overboard. Not for the first time, either. “You’re all wet," called the wag from the bank.

“So are you," said Maria.


Maria Assin

Bunny Girl

You don’t have to dress up in one of those bunny outfits with a pom-pom tail to be a bunny girl, you only need to be fond of rabbits.

You keep them in a nice dry hutch and feed them lettuce. MARIA ASSIN was out the other day looking for some cute baby bunnies to take home, and as we were out looking for conkers we bumped heads with her round a tree.

“What I don’t understand,’’ said Maria as she posed for us, “is why you need a camera when you’re looking for conkers.”

“Well, we snap them first to see if they’re photogenic.”

“I’ve never heard of photogenic conkers,” said Maria.

“They’re the ones that come out well in close-up.”

“I hope you know what you’re talking about,” said Maria.

Cute girl, Maria. She’s a charge clerk, nineteen years old, with statistics of 36 "-24 "-36".