You were bound to have noticed your favourite figure catching your eye on this month's cover. It's the girl you're always wanting to see more of RUTH CAVENDISH and if you don't think she's even lovelier than ever, it must be because you're going steady with a beautiful blonde, you traitor.
One gorilla met another gorilla.
There was the sound of the most awful thudding crunch. But gorillas being what they are they didn't even notice, they just grinned at each other.
One said to the other, "You're looking well, Hairy, apart from your teeth."
Said the other, "I've found a new kind of nut-look." And he opened his huge great mouth and pointed to the back of his throat, and the first gorilla put his stupid head in and Hairy bit it right off. "I didn't think much of his hair cream, "he said later to his lady gorilla.
Gorillas, of course, do love nuts. Nuts can do wonders for girls as well as gorillas. It's all those proteins. Look at London dolly CARON TOWNSEND. Caron is eighteen and an absolute dish. Peanuts or cashew nuts, Caron can't resist either. That's why she's got a lovely complexion and a curvy figure.
Nuts can do the same for you and make you a stunning 37-23-36.
Not if you're a feller, however.
This is the technological age. We won't go on about how it's driving us all kinky in a mechanical kind of way, there are enough headaches without mentioning how we're all going nuts.
A computer operator who stays quite calm through it all is SALLY RANDALL, a nineteen-year-old Middlesex girl. Know what she does when she gets home from her computer? Crossword puzzles.
And when she's finished her evening quota of clueing up down and across, she goes off to her judo club and slings great big, bearded men all over the mat.
Lovely. wish I was a great big, bearded man, said Fred.
Brown eyes and chestnut hair look lovely on any bird, particularly RACHAEL COLLINS.
And in conjunction with a curvy chassis of 36-23-36 what a pretty picture all over, like. The birdman tapped on the window. A birdman is a goggle-eyed follower of pretty pictures,
"Can I come in?" he said.
"You can get lost," said Rachael, "and if you don’t, I'll call my mum, she's a karate chopper."
"It's cold out here,' said the birdman, wiping the frost off the window to get a better goggle.
"Well, hard luck, you big stiff," said Rachael, and opening the window she clouted him with a marble vase and knocked him cold. He was a literal big stiff in minutes and when the dustmen came along, they collected him up and shovelled him into the chute.
When a girl has her usual job to do, like plugging away at her typewriter from 9 to 5, it makes a hard day of it to have the household chores thrown in as well, especially when, like JACQUELINE BLAIR, you're really dressed for a brisk, invigorating walk, in the countryside with a sweet little doggie or a fascinating P.T. instructor.
By the time you've come to terms with the cleaner and cooked yourself a quick souffle, its time, to retire in your shortie nightie. Never mind, Jackie, after a hard day's work you still look gorgeous.
Suburban fantasia are all those fairy stories featuring what a dull old lot we are. If you believe them and you live in suburbia yourself, you probably feel like going out and shooting yourself on the front lawn.
Take no notice. The people who write those stories think you're only living if you dwell under a railway arch and leave all your litter about.
Well, look at LAURA SANDS.
She's a suburbanite but does she strike you as a dull old lot? She's a housewife, she's a happy mum and she's our idea of what a womanly woman should look like.
Curves are always more exciting than straight lines.
Beautiful Britons No 205 - December 1972
It all began with nothing but good intentions. MARTINA EVANS, sales- girl in the lingerie department of a London store, decided to do mum a good turn and put the cleaner over the carpet.
But before she could say, "Someone come and help me switch this thing off, it's getting recalcitrant," the long lead got all mixed up with her long legs.
From then on it was chaos.
At first Martina was determined not to be beaten, and a rare old struggle ensued. Martina was grounded like an all-in wrestler who'd slipped in a moment of over-confidence. The cleaner whirred and Martina went bump.
It wasn't the bump that mattered so much, it was the indignity. Climbing to her feet Martina thought right, monkey, you wait only for the cleaner to throw her again with a double-ankle knee-lock.
"Well," panted Martina, nineteen and with an ambition to be an air hostess, "you saucy old carpet- cleaner, you."
No more. That's your lot.
Beautiful Britons No 188 - July 1971
It's not all minimum brevity with some girls. All right, so most of them don't wear even half as much as their mothers did and still do, but there are some who still like lots of frills.
One gorgeous friller is SUSAN ASHFORD, Scots girl from Ayrshire.
Since there are always readers asking whatever happened to lingerie and the half-baked idiots who made it obsolete, we feel from time to time that we should illustrate the fact that it's not universally obsolete.
The dodo may be dead beyond all recall, but not frillies.
Well, enjoy yourselves, those of you who suffer from nostalgia, and have some hot toast for tea while you're about it.
Spick No 231 - February 1973
Of course, anyone who goes out fishing in the North Sea when there's an awful lot of winter about, is usually the most dedicated type who won't be happy until he's sure he's got fish on your table for Friday lunch. Do you ever stop to think what you owe the dedicated North Sea trawlerman?
He doesn't have a warm office and a lovely secretary like MARIE GRAHAM. Marie is a secretary from Bournemouth and is the sweetest thing, don't you think?
She's curvily sylph-like at 36"-23"-36" and although she likes her job, there's something she likes better. Go-Go dancing. Marie has so much vitality that she can go-go for four hours on end. After just an hour strong young men crumple and get cold water thrown over them, but Marie keeps go-going.
It's girls like Marie who make people over thirty feel like being pensioned off.
And it's Marie's lovely legs that keep her go-going.
Honestly, anyone who has the kind of job that precludes comfort, coffee, and biscuits at eleven and a deliciously beautiful secretary like Marie ought to chuck it all up and start again in some palatial office suite.
Think what you're missing, man.
Span No 191 - July 1970
The line is long, but it's mod and it's swinging or so they say. Modelling it is beautiful JACQUELINE BLAIR, shorthand-typist, a great trad jazz fan and, hold it, chaps, hockey captain during her rousing schooldays. Jackie is twenty and last year won two Scottish beauty competitions.
Spick No 128 - July 1964
