Maria Lynley

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Don't Ring Off

The phone rang and MARIA LYNLEY answered it.

"Hello," she said, "who's that?"

"It's me," said Harry.

"Who's you?" said Maria.

"Harry," said Harry.

"Is it about the telly?" said Maria.

“I haven't got one," said Harry, "I keep chickens. Can you come out tonight?"

“I'll ask my husband," said Maria, a lovely young Leicester housewife.

"Oh sock me," said Harry, "isn't that Ethel?"

"No, it isn't," said Maria, "it's me."

"Who's you?" said Harry.

"Maria," said Maria, "goodbye, Harry."

"No, don't ring off," said Harry, "you don't half sound cracking."

"Saucebox," giggled Maria and put the phone down.

Beautiful Britons No - 182 January 1971

Sylvia Ternes

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A Nut For Nikki

Captivating young thing in a park in West Berlin is Nikki the squirrel-and so, for that matter, is Nikki's favourite stroller, SYLVIA TERNES. Nikki being somewhat temperamental, he won't take any food unless you go down on your knees to him, and though this makes it somewhat awkward for a girl in a tight skirt, Sylvia humours the little devil - otherwise he follows her home, nipping at her ankles all the way.

Span No 127 - March 1965

Ruth Cavendish and Anne Scott

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Anyone Seen a Horse

RUTH CAVENDISH and ANNE SCOTT have nothing against cars except the fact that they're full of things like distributors, plugs, tappets, cylinders and knocks. When they broke down on their way to Edinburgh, that was it no more cars. The girls sat down and waited for a spare gee-gee to happen along.

Not only do Ruth and Anne not believe in leaving a broken-down car to thumb lifts in vehicles even more likely to break down, they are by nature much more addicted to the faithfulness of horses than to the mechanics of motoring.

And horses know, you know. These two do, anyway. Robert and Wallace. Just the hint of a pretty girl stranded by a blown gasket and there they are, the noble nags, to take the weight off their sweet feet. And the fact is, friends, Wallace has an eye for a pretty knee and no error.

Jackie Burdette

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Jackie's In Town

"Where are you going to, my pretty maid?"

"I'm not going anywhere," said JACKIE BURDETTE, "I've only just arrived. Are you a policeman?"

“As a matter of fact, no. I'm"

“Then if you're not a policeman, take your foot out of my doorway."

"I'm selling ceiling sweepers”.

"Who wants ceiling sweepers?" said Jackie. "I don't. I'm a shirt designer and you've interrupted me in the middle of the most inspiring design I've ever thought up. What's that little stepladder you're carrying?”

"Ah well, you see, with our ceiling sweepers we offer these mini step ladders at the most fantastically ludicrous price. Practically giveaway, in fact. I say, you're not making tea, I suppose?"

"No. I’m not said Jackie. "What's the connection between ridiculous little stepladders and ceiling sweepers?"

"Well, you need the stepladder to reach the ceiling. We design them specially to give that extra bewitching look to girls using the ceiling sweepers in mini-skirts."

"These boots I'm wearing," said Jackie, "are specially made to assist the precipitate departure of men selling ceiling sweepers”.

"Don't do anything hasty I'll come back tomorrow."

Spick No 179 - October 1968

Catherine Brydon

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Toboggan Run

With all that snow lying around on the slopes of the Highlands, Scottish housewife CATHERINE BRYDON didn't want to waste any of it. Feeling a bit exhilarated on account of having bought some fur-lined bargains at the winter sales, Catherine found her toboggan and took it for a run.

She looked lovely amid all that snow.

She went whooshing down the slopes and skidding round the curves. She fell off once or twice, much to the aesthetic satisfaction of a fellow tobogganist who was waiting to pick her up. He was a connoisseur of shapely limbs, and he hadn't seen any as aesthetically admirable as Catherine's since last winter, when his girlfriend fell headfirst into a snow drift.

"Don't miss anything, will you?" said Catherine.

"Not if can help it," said he.

Beautiful Britons No 207 - February 1973

Amanda Paget

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Where Does She Get Her Nerve?

If we say that looking at these simply fabulous pictures of Amanda Paget gives us nightmares, please don't get us wrong. Do you ever have the kind of horrible dream where you're out in the street somewhere, and suddenly realise you're in pyjamas? Or half naked? Or even completely stark naked?! Mustang's resident psychologist assures us such dreams are common, but when we asked him what they meant he just gave a sly chuckle but to get back to the subject, namely Amanda, it strikes us that she's posing there in what can only be the top half of a trouser suit. Standing in the street, half naked, looking debonaire, unconcerned and adorable. Where does she get her nerve? Where did she lose her trousers? It's more than enough to give you nightmares.

When we asked her about the trousers, she tried to pretend that what she's wearing is a micro-micro mini-dress, and not a trouser suit top at all. But she can't fool us. Maybe she was out late and had no money, had to sell something to get the bus fare home. But no, that's absurd, a girl like Amanda wouldn't travel by bus, she would have rich young men escorting her, with large comfy cars. So perhaps she fell in a lake, had to take her trousers off to dry them? Maybe-but no, there's no sign of even any wet trousers. Well, if there were alligators in the lake, she could have thrown the trousers to the alligators, to distract their attention while she swam for shore. Oh, but that's ridiculous-even a lowly alligator would need more than an old bit of cloth to take his mind off such a tasty dish as Amanda. We found out, later. It was simpler than we'd imagined. Amanda was posing in only half her trouser suit because our photographer thought it looked better that way. To which we say, why aren't there more lovely girls around who share our photographer's ideas!

Mustang No 9 - 1969

Ruth Cavendish

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Ruth Cavendish and Mugdock Tower

Ruth Cavendish modelled for an outdoor set, with pictures appearing in Beautiful Britons No 101 (March 1964) and Spick and Span Extra No 11 (Summer 1964).

The tower, or castle as ToCo describe it, has always been a bit of a mystery until now.

Thanks so much to David for taking the time to research this and bring it to our attention.

Mugdock Tower is in Mugdock Country Park, which is north of Bearsden.

This picture of the tower was taken in about 1976, so a few years after Ruth had had her fun there, but there is no mistaking her positioning against the tower, with the same tree in the background. It is of course very probable that this quiet country park was used for a great many other ToCo outdoor sets.

It has been suggested that a blue plaque would be warranted on this tower.

Tower grid ref (55° 57' 49" N 4° 18' 58" W)

This is the ToCo blurb that accompanied the set in Spick and Span Extra No 11

Glamour With a Smile

Never without a smile is RUTH CAVENDISH, who makes as attractive a picture against the old castle walls as any suit of armour, with or without visor.

Ann Williams

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Ann Williams

You can have white elephants, old bus tickets, a blown tile off Admiralty House and even a feather off an Ascot hat. But you can only have your own face, you can’t have someone else's. If your eyes are bloodshot, you’re stuck with them, it’s no good wishing you had beautifully clear blue orbs like ANN WILLIAMS has. Ann is Ann and you are you, and Ann is a cute, pretty picture on all counts and you’re not.

If you’re prepared to face facts, there’s always a chance for you. Speaking of chances, when Ann can get her skirt unhooked and rush off to an audition it’s possible one more vocal star will hit the pop charts. Ann has been singing since she was two and is already making a name for herself. Look out for this lovely little lady. We’re certain you’ll hear more of her.

And what you’ll hear will sound as nice on your ear as Ann herself is easy on your eye. Her statistics are 35"-22"-36" and as you can see, she has legs shapely enough to win the title of Miss Trim- Limbs.

Anne Scott

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Bom-Diddy-Bom-Bom

Well, what else can we say?

We light on a view like this in the Scottish Highlands and what else is there except wow?

This is ANNE SCOTT, television personality and just about the shapeliest model North of the Border. They may have taken the old Flying Scot out of service, but they’ll never make Anne obsolete while she still has enough puff.

Puff? Well, all right, glamour.

You're stuck for conversation as you bump into her. You’re speechless.

You feel like a gormless goggler. All you can say is Bom-diddy-bom-bom.

That’s what we said in the first place.

Kim West

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Which Way Is West?

Well, the way KIM WEST is pointing is towards a place in the top ten glamour models of London. Other girls can be Twiggy models, Kim wants to be a scintillating glamour girl, and the way she’s started is with vitalistics of 36 "-23 "-36". There’s a long way to get to anywhere. Kim has chosen the round way.

Spick No 172 - March 1968

Alice Richmond

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Candy Stripes

If there’s a sweeter look than a candy look, it’s a candy stripes look, and if you want to eat ALICE RICHMOND we don’t blame you, because this lovely Scots lass is real sweet. Only don’t spoil it by asking if you can have ice cream as well.

Span No 123 - November 1964

Pam Rogers

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A Girl Needs An Interest

Advertising assistant PAM ROGERS considers she'd get too single-minded if she thought about nothing else except advertising.

A girl needs an interest to keep her from thinking only about her job.
Pam has lots of interests. Boy friends to make her feel wanted, and dancing to make her feel activated.
Then there's stage work to make her feel talented and beauty contests to make her feel lovely.
Well, with all those interests and a beautiful figure of 37-24-36, there's a lovely Pam she is.

Beautiful Britons No 203 - October 1972

Marion Lake

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The Lakes In Ireland Are Lovely

They talk about four-leafed clover, emerald green and elusive leprachauns when they talk about Ireland, but what about their racehorses and their pubs? And what about their lakes?
Full of lovely blue-green water are their lakes.
And we know one with lovely blue-green eyes, MARION LAKE. And with the nicest shape as well. 36"-23"-37".
Marion decided that as she could never get on speaking terms with leprachauns and didn’t have much in common with horses, she might as well find out what life was like elsewhere. Just for a change, you know.
So, she came to England and settled on the South Coast. She lives in Brighton, that Regency-styled watering-place where they used to trundle the bathing huts down to the sea so that the ladies could step right out of the huts into the water without being goggled at. Marion thinks that was a lot of old blarney. So do we.

Beautiful Britons No 163 - June 1969

Vicki Munro

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Where There's Heather

Scotland is the country where you'll find the colourful heather in all its wild beauty, and where there's heather there are kilts and other things entirely Scottish.

George Pumpkin—what a funny name—went up to Scotland for a holiday once. He hardly noticed the heather because the place was full of bonny birds. He’s still up there and his firm keeps writing to him asking him when he's coming back. So does his girl friend. But George is quite happy, thank you.

So would you be if you had girls like VICKI MUNRO to look at every day.

Vicki is nineteen and a fashion model.

But despite all the elegant houha of fashion modelling there's nothing Vicki loves more than outdoor sports like tennis and netball, which she plays with such bang-up enthusiasm that all the other girls keep gasping, "Och, my eye." Which is Scottish for "Oh, corks."

Gloria Gene

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Mission In Majorca

"Well, so long, Hortense," said Humphrey, "I'm off now."

"You've been off since you took that assault course in 1944,” said his wife. "See you in a couple of months," said Humphrey.

"Oh no you don't," said Hortense, holding him back by his ear, "you'll see me same as usual when you come home from the gravel pits."

"I've changed me vocation," said Humphrey, "I'm off on a mission to Majorca."

"Top secret?" said Hortense, twisting his ear anti-clockwise. It hurts more that way.

"Hardly," said Humphrey, not minding the pain because of the semiconscious bliss that pervaded him. "I'm just going to spend my time looking for FO 777. No, leggo me ear, I'm all agog."

"What's FO 777—a pre-war Bentley?" asked Hortense.

"It's Female Operative No. 777," replied Humphrey, "and my mission is to find her in Majorca before some other swine finds her first.”

"That's not going to take you a couple of months," said his wife.

"I reckon to find her in a week," said Humphrey, "the rest of the time is for social bliss."

"I thought so,” said Hortense. "Come here," she said and yanked him indoors, belted him stupid and then made him stand in a corner until all his hot romantic flushes had died down.

Humphrey, you see, had heard that Yorkshire girl GLORIA GENE was going to Majorca, and as Gloria is a honey-eating cracker who looks marvellous in a Majorcan bikini measuring 36-24-36, Humphrey didn't want to be left out of all the joys of playing beach ball with her. It was Hortense who sabotaged him.

Wives are lovely and protective.

Gloria is not only shapely, but she keeps in shape by enjoying all the vigour of an outdoor life, and among her pursuits is a love of swimming in natural waters, not pools. Her home town is Goole in Yorkshire.