Caron Townsend

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Nuts Can Do Wonders

One gorilla met another gorilla.

There was the sound of the most awful thudding crunch. But gorillas being what they are they didn't even notice, they just grinned at each other.

One said to the other, "You're looking well, Hairy, apart from your teeth."

Said the other, "I've found a new kind of nut-look." And he opened his huge great mouth and pointed to the back of his throat, and the first gorilla put his stupid head in and Hairy bit it right off. "I didn't think much of his hair cream, "he said later to his lady gorilla.

Gorillas, of course, do love nuts. Nuts can do wonders for girls as well as gorillas. It's all those proteins. Look at London dolly CARON TOWNSEND. Caron is eighteen and an absolute dish. Peanuts or cashew nuts, Caron can't resist either. That's why she's got a lovely complexion and a curvy figure.

Nuts can do the same for you and make you a stunning 37-23-36.

Not if you're a feller, however.

Span No 207 - November 1971

Maria Rolando

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Miss Cinema

That's the title the Italians have given lovely Latin MARIA ROLANDO.

Maria, of course, is a genuine Continental sizzler.

Apart from winning titles, Maria has a talent for inventing new dance routines.

Her latest is a hula-hoop samba. All you need is a hoop and a shape like Maria's. The rest is easy.

Span No 60 - August 1959

Susan Carroll

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Bookish

Girl who likes a good book is SUSAN CARROLL, and when Susan's deep in a good book it's no good ringing her up and suggesting a cosy date at a new Chinese restaurant because she won't be free until she's reached the end of the last chapter.

Aside from all that, Susan is a gay girl, likes fast cars and chivalrous men and going for walks around old ruins. Know any old ruins that might be worth a visit? She's been to all the castles.

Spick No 186 - May 1969

Gina Barren

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Looking For a Gardener ?

Are you onerously tied to your garden? Like some help, would you? Then look around for someone lovely and horticultural like GINA BARREN. Gina is twenty, she was born in Liverpool and is now a London model.

Her hobby is gardening. Adores it she does. Can't have enough of the old spade and fork. Likes to plant things and watch them grow. Keeps all the flowers looking beautiful. Keeps herself looking tanned and streamlined. 35-23-35. Doesn't wear a bra but ignores Women's Lib. Loves roses and dahlias. Owns long stunning legs. Likes men who can make her laugh as long as they know how to prune plum trees.

Absolutely exotic in a herbaceous border, is Gina.

Marie Graham & Eve Law

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I Can't Come Now

"I can't come now," said MARIE GRAHAM, Hampshire secretary, "I'm all tied up."

"It's only the milkman, anyway," said EVE LAW, ditto, "and he's nobody."

It was all in aid of some amateur dramatics, and Eve was dedicated to making it all look brilliantly authentic. This included getting Marie all tied up and then tickling her foot.

"This is hysterical," said Marie.

"That's right," said Eve, "just shriek your head off kind of lifelike."

Marie thought it was all very well to be kind of lifelike, but there's a point when too much reality turns into how to go bonkers on an overdose of giggling heebie-jeebies.

At which point it's time to suggest a break for coffee

Well, we'll leave it at that and bring you more of the girls next month. Don't get too worked up waiting.

Span No 200 - April 1971

Caroline Adams

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Exhileration

Never mind the crises, which are always with us; anyway. Concentrate on the fact that being alive in this wonderful world of lush pastures is far better than being just a cold, stark stiff in the ground.

Look at CAROLINE ADAMS.

There's exhilaration for you, as well as a saucy wink.

Caroline is all set to look ahead, while glum blokes like Fred are looking back and talking about what it was like when Robin Hood was alive. All merry jostling and jousting in Nottingham and dancing the Maybell with buxom maids.

What's the Maybell?

Well, if you make a hit, it's a real ring-a-ding for a night and a day.

Span No 234 - February 1974

Jane Walters

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Student Protest

They were getting ever so restive at college, and it looked as if one of them their rackety protests was in the offing.

It was all over student JANE WALTERS.

Someone had said she was leaving, that she'd been offered a glamorous and lucrative career among the exotic hoi pollo of telly commercials.

Several hairy students said they'd fall down dead if Jane left. To keep themselves from thinking too traumatically about this dread fate they began to prepare banners, slogans, and sit-ins.

Then along came Jane, carrying her books and lecture notes. Stepping daintily over students who were going one degree farther than a sit-in with a lie in, she asked what all the fuss was about. When told she was the focal point, like, she giggled and said, "Thanks ever so, fellers, but I'm not leaving, I only do modelling when I'm on vacation."

Joyful relief abounded, and in deep gratitude they all made good resolutions for the New Year. Like taking the fluff out of their beards.

Span No 234 - February 1974

Marilyn Ward and Nicola Taylor

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How Do I Look

Pretty girls are naturally camera-conscious and don't like to be caught when they've just come up from a coalmine. "No, not yet," said MARILYN WARD as NICOLA TAYLOR got her into focus, “the breeze is making me look all windswept,”

“Well, hurry up," said Nicola as Marilyn reversed the process, "I'm getting sand in my shoes, "Say cheese." said Marilyn.

"Oh, blow that," said Nicola, "every time I say cheese, I get sand in my mouth too.

"How do I look now?" asked Marilyn, sitting pretty, "As I gaze intently into the viewfinder," said Nicola, “I can now see what's in it for the photographers. No wonder they like their job."

'Yes, I see what you mean," said Marilyn a minute later, "you look ever so mini-skirted. I say, aren't they lucky, they get paid as well." “I tell you what” said Nicola, "let's go and see if there's any beefcake on the beach - we might get paid for photographing them."

Beautiful Britons No 153 - August 1968

Susan McKay

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Sandy Sue

Down among the sand dunes SUSAN McKAY found time to lie in the sun. It was a pity she'd left her bikini on the coach, for although you can brown some of yourself in a light dress, you can't cover the same amount of area as you can in a bikini. Especially the itsy-bitsy kind.

Nonetheless (as they say in those slightly archaic novels) Susan looks very attractive in a light dress and those frilly garters are just as likely to turn a head as a bikini.

"Hey, you're looking"

Yes, well - well, as a matter of fact - well, we wondered if you'd seen our dog.

"Did it have shaggy hair, just like you? And floppy ears, also like you?"

Well, no.

"Then go away or I'll call my bloodhound to bite you."

You can't mean that. Couldn't we take just one picture of you while we're here? You look divine. Smashing in fact. "Oh, you and your big blue eyes. Just half-a-dozen, then." Could we make it one over the eight?

"You've already had that I can tell from the empty bottles."

Beautiful Britons No 80 - June 1962

Sandra Morrell

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The Impeccable Look

The phone had been replaced a long time ago, the date for dinner at a lamplit bistro in Chelsea had been fixed and all SANDRA MORRELL had to do was to gild and dress the lily and get there.

She being the lily, of course.

"Hurry up," said her flat mate, "you'll be late.' "Any moment now," said Sandra, "I'II be ready."

Sandra is a girl who can't be hurried under any circs. She likes to be absolutely sure that when she is dated, she looks impeccable. Charlie Greyduck thought that impeccable was something to do with nuts roasted in an iron pan, over an open fire, but dead ignorance keeps Charlie where he is, right at the back.

Anyway, by the time Sandra was ready she did look impeccable and lovely beyond anything. Except that as she came down the stairs her flat mate, Henrietta, said, "Not in that mini, you are silly, you'll have to change it for a maxi. Or put stretch tights on."

"Oh sorry," blushed Sandra, "I forgot."

She shouldn't have worried. Chelsea would have looked and loved. You don't have to be conformist to be impeccable. Not in Chelsea, anyway.

Span No 207 - November 1971

Marie Fitzgerald

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Sunny Side Up

Well, it was that kind of a day, with the sun shining and all, So MARIE FITZGERALD wasn't letting it go to waste. She jumped into a car and drove into the country, where using walls and fences to perch on she arranged herself sunny side up. Marie is a Bournemouth girl and likes to get herself toasted, and if you prefer fried eggs, you must love food to the point where you're neurotic. Or perhaps some girl in your distant past broke your leg in a game of mixed hockey and you decided fried eggs were safer.

Spick No 185 - April 1969