Cheri Scott

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Why Men Leave Home

Some market researcher asked CHERI SCOTT the question. It was all to do with something neurotic.

"Well," said Cheri, an outspoken Scot, "it's my opinion that men leave home to go to work, to attend a football match, to chase the milkman, to go for a pint or to post a letter. After that they either get back home on time or they get back late, and if they get back late, they get thumped, and if you keep standing in my way and make me late you'll get thumped too."

That's what they call very succinct.

Spick and Span Extra No 52 - Autumn 1974

Marta Cubisova

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Downtown Dolly

Happily, resident in the downtown fringes of London is MARTA CUBISOVA, looking every inch a swinger.

Actually, Marta is from Prague.

A Czechoslovakian actress, she decided to get out from behind the Iron Curtain and come to Britain.

"Welcome indeed," said the man from the ministry. He was the one in charge of looking over refugees. He had the most trying job to keep it all informal as he was dying to invite Marta out to dinner. Ministry men aren't all computerised subtracting machines.

Marta was enchanted with her welcome and as it wasn't long before the London photographers were queueing up to photo- graph her, everything became quite lovely.

It couldn't have happened to a nicer girl.

Spick No 204 - November 1970

June Gordon

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We're Off

Before we were indescribably smitten by a fair maid from afar, we were thinking of settling down before our winter fireside in a state of soporific hibernation.

Then we saw JUNE GORDON. She was just going home to Scotland. So, we cancelled the order for winter fuel and gave up all idea of hibernating. A rush of vibrant corpuscles to the head had sent us all agog and it was like Spring in the park again.

In other words, we're off.

We're either off to Scotland or off our head.

June is a secretary and the girl we'd most like to be lost in the typing pool with. What grace, what charm, what fair elegance.

As the coalman said when a hundredweight sack fell on his head, "I've gone all fragile.' It's a feeling of being far, far away.

Beautiful Britons No 144 - November 1967

Ruth Cavendish

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Caught On The Cover

You were bound to have noticed your favourite figure catching your eye on this month's cover. It's the girl you're always wanting to see more of RUTH CAVENDISH and if you don't think she's even lovelier than ever, it must be because you're going steady with a beautiful blonde, you traitor.

Span No 140 - April 1966

Carmen Dene

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The Shape

Since entering show biz, CARMEN DENE has become known as the shape men would most like to be seen out with as long as the wife is in Honolulu.

Carmen has the most exquisite curves and is living, breathing proof that girls are a lot better to look at than men.

"Not at all," said Carmen, "I wouldn't want to look at girls if there were some different shapes around, like men for instance. You must have a funny idea of what we find appealing if you think we simply adore looking at each other."

We were thinking of what we liked looking at.

"Well, spare a thought for us girls sometimes," said Carmen.

Span No 212 - April 1972

Marie Reynolds

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The Reason Why

The mini is dead, so they say, but it won't lie down.

Why won't it?

Here's the reason why.

A girl called MARIE REYNOLDS.

For when Marie and a mini fit each other as well as this, who could ask for more? Who wants to ask for more?

As the traffic warden said when Marie alighted from her car, "Park here as long as you like, miss, and if I have to book you it'll hurt me all the way home."

"Watch it, cheeky," said Marie.

"I am," said the traffic warden," and it fits you a treat, miss. What a mini."

Marie Graham

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Very Vital is Housewife Marie Graham

Very vital is housewife MARIE GRAHAM. She belongs to a keep-fit class, a tennis club, a boomerang learners' cycle-

Hold on, wait a moment, what's a boomerang learners' cycle?

You know about Australia, don't you, thickhead?

Yeh, and about boomerangs, but I don't know about boomerang learners.

In that case, shut up, yes, and not only is Marie learning how to hurl a boomerang and dodge it on the way back, but she's also doing car maintenance and athletics.

Ye gods, that's enough, I'm all-over racked nerves.

So, you should be at your age.

Spick & Span Extra No 52 - Autumn 1974

Caron Townsend

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Nuts Can Do Wonders

One gorilla met another gorilla.

There was the sound of the most awful thudding crunch. But gorillas being what they are they didn't even notice, they just grinned at each other.

One said to the other, "You're looking well, Hairy, apart from your teeth."

Said the other, "I've found a new kind of nut-look." And he opened his huge great mouth and pointed to the back of his throat, and the first gorilla put his stupid head in and Hairy bit it right off. "I didn't think much of his hair cream, "he said later to his lady gorilla.

Gorillas, of course, do love nuts. Nuts can do wonders for girls as well as gorillas. It's all those proteins. Look at London dolly CARON TOWNSEND. Caron is eighteen and an absolute dish. Peanuts or cashew nuts, Caron can't resist either. That's why she's got a lovely complexion and a curvy figure.

Nuts can do the same for you and make you a stunning 37-23-36.

Not if you're a feller, however.

Span No 207 - November 1971