"What's German for yes?" asked the knowledgeable teacher at the foreign language evening class.
"Ja," said student SYLVIA MARTIN.
"You're so right," said teacher. "Like to come and have fish and chips with me after class?"
"Nein," said Sylvia, a secretary.
"You said nein?" he enquired with a disappointed look.
"Ja," said Sylvia.
"Oh, good," said teacher, "we'll eat at Sam's, the salt and vinegar are first-class at Sam's."
Some teachers do get some students confused.
Listen to this.
When SUZY WONG left Hong Kong and from the harbour sailed out.
She never thought she'd be caught On London's Hampstead roundabout.
Well, it was the best we could do to make a giggle of it. Suzy has a flat in Hampstead and is doing very well as a model, thank you. Don't send any rice as she's come to like cucumber sandwiches, farmhouse Cheddar and a pint of beer.
How lovely.
There are various ways of getting a ticket. You can buy one, find one or have one given to you if you want to see a theatre show.
And you can have one thrust upon you if it's a parking ticket you're after. You don't have to pay until later.
Town bird ANNE DEARBORN has a running fracas going with London traffic wardens in her pursuit of parking places for her Mini, and when she gets her hundredth ticket she's going to invite them all to a party in her top- floor Chelsea flat and give them a French salad dressed with castor oil.
That should keep them on the move for the next week or so.
Talking of marriage in a rural environment, here's a wife who has always lived in the country. She's JEANETTE BONNER, and living in the country has given her a complexion as creamy as honey.
She lives in a cottage next door to a field, and high rise concrete blocks are just something she hears about but never sees. It’s all lovely, all quiet and peaceful, and is highly recommended to persons who suffer the traumatic vibrations of crowded city life.
Jeanette's favourite ways of getting about are on a bike or on a horse. And she doesn't need tranquilisers.
Man-made nylon is all very well, but there's still something about silk and satin that is consistently alluring.
There's something very slinky about the satin worn by CARLA HOUSEMAN, and there's a man called Parkblow in Pimlico who says she's the girl he'd most like to stand next to in a crowded bus. With or without her satin, he says.
Carla is a Continental courier, with a command of several Continental languages, and a Continental shape that in English means 37-24-37.
That’s cuddly in any lingo.
Just tor you, readers and fans, we bring Dorset dolly LIZ HARVEY, looking her curviest in skimpy white.
We have sets of 10 Whole Plate Pin-Ups of Liz available, and they're lovely. The price is £3.00 per set or £2.25 in Half Plate size.
When you order quote details of the magazine issue so that we know you want the set to be of Liz as she's featured here.
Just another commuter to and from the City of London is PENNY STONE, but that doesn't mean anything unbearable.
We all worry about our girls getting flattened in rush-hour tube trains and staying flattened, but girls are engagingly resilient. They step off at their station, breathe in, breathe out, and there you are, their shapes fill out again.
Don't thank us.
Thank nature for resisting all those pressures.
The red-faced landowner came storming over the meadow, demanding to know why the unmentionable driver of the unspeakable car couldn't keep his indescribable contraption on the road.
The driver didn't even know he was off the road. He was listening to the instructions of his navigator and following her word for word. He got out and tried to explain. The incensed landowner felled him with a blow. Then out came the navigator, EVE DARNLEY.
The landowner bowed. "My mistake," he said, "come up to the farm and have a cream tea". Eve is a London model. She was only a navigator by accident. But she wore the duckiest gear for the rally.
Student JULIE MITCHELL is going glam. Well, you can't be serious and academic day after day without wanting to leave it all behind at times.
And at these times Julie puts on her dolly gear and her boots and goes out with a photographer friend. It's a happy occasion all round, with Julie looking long-legged and glam, and her friend looking dizzily into the viewfinder.
Well, Julie in a mini makes a dizzy picture for any feller, and you don't have to look into a viewfinder to convince yourself.
It's not all that complicated. It's a simple state of mind. You can't acquire it by spending millions, but it's yours for nothing if you accept that despite everything it's a wonderful world.
Happiness is just that to ESTELLE WARNER, salesgirl and just eighteen. It is a wonderful world, she says. You've only got to read what it was like a hundred years ago to realise if you'd been alive then you could easily have spent your ninth birthday down a coalmine.
People now, she thinks, don't know how lucky they are.
There was once a queen called Charlotte who was very good and awfully nice, and all her subjects thought the world of her.
And just as good and just as nice, without having a crown and sceptre, and all the trimmings, is Sheffield girl CHARLOTTE PETERS.
Charlotte is tall and curvaceous, as well as jolly good. She's five feet nine and measures 38-24-38 going down or going up. She likes fast cars and can handle a zippy roadster with aplomb, which means she'll pass you without a hair out of place. On a warm day anywhere, she likes sunbathing in the nude, so if you're in the same place as she is on a warm day you know the figure to look for.
If you miss her it's because you can't add up. Or you're shy.
That was what the anxious photographer said to receptionist GAIL REDFERN as she gambolled about instead of standing still. He was anxious to take some classic shots that would knock editors sideways.
But Gail felt all lively, like. She hitched up her skirts and swung on trees. He had an awful job to keep up with her. He had to swing on trees himself. And he knocked us sideways with the results.
If they do the same to you.
Take an aspirin.
It was impossibly warm in West Berlin that day. Too warm for KATRIN DORMANN to go to the office.
So, she took herself off for a ride with a good book.
The good book was all about Einstein’s theory of relativity, or something equally fantastic. It was certainly one of those highly technical epics and not one of those hot novels written by one of those sophisticated American authors. It was too warm for that. In fact, it was so warm that Katrin decided something had to be done about it, even if it was something silly.
So, she took her dress off.
Was that silly?
No, it was rather nice, really, and she felt much more comfortable and a lot cooler. And she looked ever so sweet.
Those initials mean Physical Training Instructress, and that is what SUE CHEDZOY is training to be.
You mean this delightful eyeful of feminine elegance is really going to concentrate on building up bone and muscle?
Nothing of the kind. Well, she’s only going to build up bone and muscle in others. Sue herself is going to remain a delightful eyeful. If she doesn’t, we’ll shoot someone.
Seen just off the Embankment Gardens, London, Sue looked like a breath of summer sunshine on an autumn day, and if other physical training experts are proud of their bulging biceps, we don’t care a bit as long as Sue doesn’t acquire any.
Sue is nineteen, measures 36-23-36, and if those statistics aren’t good enough for you, Henry, you must go for fat circus ladies.
One thing that's rather inspiring about birds is that you find them in the country as well as the towns.
One extremely lovely and ubiquitous bird is BRIDIE GOODWIN, who flits from town to country all the time. Well, Bridie works in a county town, so she can't avoid her share of the concrete, but at weekends she's almost always to be found communing with the rural outdoors.
Slim, trim and fetching at 35-23-36, Bridie is the pin-up of all the farmers' boys for miles around. The farmers themselves would like to see more of her only their wives won't let them.
