Caroline Adams

/

Exhileration

Never mind the crises, which are always with us; anyway. Concentrate on the fact that being alive in this wonderful world of lush pastures is far better than being just a cold, stark stiff in the ground.

Look at CAROLINE ADAMS.

There's exhilaration for you, as well as a saucy wink.

Caroline is all set to look ahead, while glum blokes like Fred are looking back and talking about what it was like when Robin Hood was alive. All merry jostling and jousting in Nottingham and dancing the Maybell with buxom maids.

What's the Maybell?

Well, if you make a hit, it's a real ring-a-ding for a night and a day.

Span No 234 - February 1974

Wanda Liddell

/

Chatting Up Wanda

It wasn't going to cost anything except time, and that was going to be very well spent, so up trotted Fred to WANDA LIDDELL, latest pin-up favourite, and began to chat her up.

"I don't suppose you're all that interested in operations," he said, "but at my time of life-

"You don't look a day over eighty," said Wanda, who was spending the afternoon in Hampstead.

"Here, hold on," said Fred, "I'm not seventy yet, and I didn't have the stitches out till yesterday. It's me appendix, lasted me nearly a lifetime, it did, but it had to come out in the end. Gad, I must say you don't half look a treat, darling-

"Now watch it, audacious," said Wanda.

"Anyway, I don't want to bore you," " said Fred, "but l've got to have my arthritis removed tomorrow, and considering I only had me appendix stitches taken out yesterday-"

"Goodbye, you poor old soul," said Wanda.

"Do you have to go?" said Fred.

"Yes," said Wanda, "you are boring me.”

Spick & Span Extra No 52 - Autumn 1974

Jane Walters

/

Student Protest

They were getting ever so restive at college, and it looked as if one of them their rackety protests was in the offing.

It was all over student JANE WALTERS.

Someone had said she was leaving, that she'd been offered a glamorous and lucrative career among the exotic hoi pollo of telly commercials.

Several hairy students said they'd fall down dead if Jane left. To keep themselves from thinking too traumatically about this dread fate they began to prepare banners, slogans, and sit-ins.

Then along came Jane, carrying her books and lecture notes. Stepping daintily over students who were going one degree farther than a sit-in with a lie in, she asked what all the fuss was about. When told she was the focal point, like, she giggled and said, "Thanks ever so, fellers, but I'm not leaving, I only do modelling when I'm on vacation."

Joyful relief abounded, and in deep gratitude they all made good resolutions for the New Year. Like taking the fluff out of their beards.

Span No 234 - February 1974

Sandra Morrell

/

The Impeccable Look

The phone had been replaced a long time ago, the date for dinner at a lamplit bistro in Chelsea had been fixed and all SANDRA MORRELL had to do was to gild and dress the lily and get there.

She being the lily, of course.

"Hurry up," said her flat mate, "you'll be late.' "Any moment now," said Sandra, "I'II be ready."

Sandra is a girl who can't be hurried under any circs. She likes to be absolutely sure that when she is dated, she looks impeccable. Charlie Greyduck thought that impeccable was something to do with nuts roasted in an iron pan, over an open fire, but dead ignorance keeps Charlie where he is, right at the back.

Anyway, by the time Sandra was ready she did look impeccable and lovely beyond anything. Except that as she came down the stairs her flat mate, Henrietta, said, "Not in that mini, you are silly, you'll have to change it for a maxi. Or put stretch tights on."

"Oh sorry," blushed Sandra, "I forgot."

She shouldn't have worried. Chelsea would have looked and loved. You don't have to be conformist to be impeccable. Not in Chelsea, anyway.

Span No 207 - November 1971

Laurie Sands

/

Cooling Off

When it was all hot and goosepimples were something, you didn't think could happen,

Battersea model LAURIE SANDS found a nice shady spot in which to sun her curves.

Undeniably, a warm, suntanned curve is far more to be coveted than a cool, glacial one, but Laurie says a girl can't go around looking as if she's smouldering, it only ignites the combustibility of impressionable males. Far safer, she says, to look utterly cool and distant.

On the other hand, the cool, distant look is such a challenge to egoistic burks that many an ice-cold femme has had to call for help to save being carried off by hot-blooded, well-oiled sheiks.

"Golly, how lovely," murmured Laurie.

Span No 234 - February 1974

Angela Frobisher

/

Flowers Are Wild, Birds Aren't Exactly Tame

The place was full of wildflowers, and there was a quite inspiring Hampshire bird picking them. Her name was ANGELA FROBISHER.

Wildflowers can be elusive, and dolly birds aren't exactly renowned for always being precisely where you expect them to be or doing just what you want them to do. Dolly birds are highly individualistic, and you simply can't order them about. Not without risking them poking you in the eye.

Angela is a student and wildflowers form part of one of her subjects. Angela herself convinces us it was all a mistake for girls to surrender to the utility aspect of stretch tights.

Beautiful Britons No 188 - July 1971

Sally Randall

/

Computer Girl

This is the technological age. We won't go on about how it's driving us all kinky in a mechanical kind of way, there are enough headaches without mentioning how we're all going nuts.

A computer operator who stays quite calm through it all is SALLY RANDALL, a nineteen-year-old Middlesex girl. Know what she does when she gets home from her computer? Crossword puzzles.

And when she's finished her evening quota of clueing up down and across, she goes off to her judo club and slings great big, bearded men all over the mat.

Lovely. wish I was a great big, bearded man, said Fred.

Span No 191 - July 1970

Janus

/

Janus - Mixed Selection

Janus V1 No 8

More familiar faces, but can you name them?

Jackie West

/

Unchained

When lovely Reading girl JACKIE WEST got married, she thought it was going to be all kitchens, sinks and hot ovens. Being utterly in love she thought she'd take the rough with the smooth, like, but after being carried over the threshold and put into the best armchair she heard him say,

"Now you just stay there while I put the kettle on.”

What a prize feller. Jackie felt unchained at once. The fact is hubby is very mod and likes being in the kitchen as much as she does.

Who wouldn't, with Jackie there?

Spick and Span Extra No 52 - Autumn 1974

Carol Montgomery

/

Where's My Tea?

"Yes, where's my tea?" said Jim.

There was always a cup of tea for him as soon as he got home in the evenings. There wasn't one on this occasion. There wasn't any wife, either.

CAROL MONTGOMERY, an utterly fetching housewife, had had her first modelling assignment, and got so wrapped up in the glamour of it that she forgot all about hurtling home on her moped to make tea for Jim.

Carol lives in Suffolk, which is full of old-world charm and other lovely housewives just like her.

When she did get back home, she gave Jim two cups. Well, he'd been a sport, he'd peeled the potatoes.

That's how to stay married, that is.

Span No 234 - 1974

Maria Steiwer

/

Something For a Rainy Day

Young secretary from Munich is MARIA STEIWER, and she's just treated herself to something for a rainy day.

A lush, smooth, shiny leather coat.

Now you'll all want one. In one like Maria’s, you won't be able to wait for a rainy day. But don't fall over yourselves, girls, queue up nice and orderly. The first one to scratch someone else's eyes out will be drummed off the pavement.

Beautiful Britons No 207 - February 1973

Julia Seymour

/

Musical Secretary

Very fond of music is Secretary JULIA SEYMOUR, an absolutely delicious bird who lives near Blackpool.

While others go out at night to try ice cream in the dark or a glide at the Palais, Julia cuddles up in an armchair and reads music and studies sonatas. Still being a devotee of slinky stockings and the necessary suspensory equipment, Julia can relax without worrying about who's looking.

"I'm here," said the cameraman.

"Well, don't look," said Julia, "just take nice shots of me being musical."

"Oh, righty-ho,' said Percival, "and I'd just like to say my wife has got a pair which match yours."

"Mine?" said Julia.

"Your knicks."

"You sneaky dick,' said Julia, "you are looking."

"Only in me view-finder," said Percival.

Spick No 260 - July 1975

Janus

/

Janus - Mixed Selection

Janus - Vol 1 No 9

More familiar faces, but can you name them?

Carol Leslie

/

Old-Fashioned Girl

It's not so much the way CAROL LESLIE does her shorthand-typing, it's the way she looks when she's relaxing. Still, the old-fashioned look on some girls can be awfully cute. There was Mary Tomkins in her lace pantaloons and ribboned hair at the fete last month, and when she came down the helter-skelter, she looked delicious. A bit like Scarlet O' Hara.

Carol likes her old-fashioned look.

Well, it's no problem to us.

All girls are different. That's what makes it all so complex. You bow to one girl and kiss her hand and she thinks you're round the twist. But she says, "Oh, how gallant, Major Tuttley." You bow to another one and kiss her hand. She thinks you're round the twist too and says so. She says, "Here, give over or they'll lock me away as well."

It's all a matter of individuals.

Spick No 204 - November 1970

Rachael Collins

/

Rachael and the Birdman

Brown eyes and chestnut hair look lovely on any bird, particularly RACHAEL COLLINS.

And in conjunction with a curvy chassis of 36-23-36 what a pretty picture all over, like. The birdman tapped on the window. A birdman is a goggle-eyed follower of pretty pictures,

"Can I come in?" he said.

"You can get lost," said Rachael, "and if you don’t, I'll call my mum, she's a karate chopper."

"It's cold out here,' said the birdman, wiping the frost off the window to get a better goggle.

"Well, hard luck, you big stiff," said Rachael, and opening the window she clouted him with a marble vase and knocked him cold. He was a literal big stiff in minutes and when the dustmen came along, they collected him up and shovelled him into the chute.

Spick No 231 - February 1973