Patricia Charles

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Groovy Housewife

People who prefer bedding down under the railway arches or rusticating in Bloomsbury turn their noses up at suburban dwellers.

However, that doesn't make suburban dwellers less photogenic than freak-outs, and here's a housewife from the southern suburbs of London to prove it.

PATRICIA CHARLES is no humdrum cabbage, she's cute, vital and groovy.

To start with her measurements, add up to 36-23-36 and that's lovely and vital. And if any non-conforming freak-out can look as photogenic as this when answering the phone, we've been scandalously misinformed by all the relevant media.

Crystal Farmer

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Puss In Boots

If you saw CRYSTAL FARMER go by in her lace-up boots you'd think she was better than a Christmas pantomime.

Crystal was out in the country on this occasion and country boys were doing a lot of goggling. Most of the really dynamic birds inhabit the towns these days and country boys feel a bit deprived. Once upon a time they had rosy-cheeked milkmaids to chat up over the churns, but now the cows are all plugged in to vibrating electricity. Next it'll all be done by computers, and if the cows kick and the nuts and bolts go flying, serve the boffins right.

Crystal likes the country. She's one of nature's birds. Make a lovely milkmaid, she would.

"Oh, those good old days," said Clara.

Who's Clara?

Just a nostalgic cow we know.

Judi Batty

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Brevity

The beauty of many things is in their brevity, like wit and April showers. And like the mini, especially the mini worn by Kent girl JUDI BATTY.

One thing the mini has done for sure is to convince us that British girls have lovely legs and if they ever try to cover them up again, well organise a protest march that’ll stretch from here to Blackpool Tower.

Anna Clare (Diane Clarke)

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Something Missing?

Yes, something has gone astray. It's only a skirt. There was very little of it, just a brief mini.

Even so, ANNA CLARE did miss it. This Middlesex girl didn't feel she could catch her country bus home unless she found it. People would look. Be surprising if they didn't.

Anyway, Anna looked quite delightful as she moved around the woods in search of her skirt. She found it up a tree in the end.

Greta Berry

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How's Your Filing System?

If you're suffering from a surfeit of monumental ineptitude on the part of the erk who looks after your filing system, try giving him or her a monumental talking to.

It probably won't do any good as he or she is almost certain to be only there for the money. It's better to make a clean break before the whole office assumes the look of a paper mill in eruption.

"That's it, then, Perkins my girl, you can take a week's notice from today".

"Oh sir, but why?"

"Because you're useless, girl, useless."

"What d’you want for twelve pounds a week, then, a computer?"

It's shriekingly unbearable when they're not only useless but saucy as well. Your best bet is to look around for someone like GRETA BERRY. Greta is a lovely office clerk who brings efficiency to the scene, to say nothing of charm. She's a twenty-year-old dolly with the longest, loveliest legs that get her around the office like a flowing dream.

Dianne Lloyd

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Country Style

If you live in the country, as DIANNE LLOYD does, you have to have a country style. Which means that you have your own way of climbing gates and fences.

Town birds wait for someone to come along and open a locked gate, or they give up and go home. Dianne scales a gate with verve and lovely legs, and for the information of those who didn't pay attention in school, verve means a spot of dashing elan.

Dianne, a secretary, lives near the New Forest. That's where Rufus, son of William the Conqueror was accidentally killed while hunting, and a stone marks the spot. Dianne herself nearly got bagged by a deerstalker once. She interrupted his apologies by asking him how on earth he could mistake her for a deer.

"As a matter of fact," he said, "you look an absolute darling. Could we have tea together?"

Those deerstalkers need watching all the time.

Nicola Taylor

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Latest On The Loveliest

Men walk around in dizzy circles when they see NICOLA TAYLOR in her yellow bikini on Bournemouth beach. This isn't just because there is so much more of glamorous Nicola than there is of the bikini, it's also because Nicola is simply and undeniably magnetic.

Her fans consider that as a pin-up she is indubitably the loveliest.

So, here are the latest pics of the loveliest.

Nicola on the phone is a knockout. Which means, of course, that the feller on the other end of the line is next door to unconscious and would be completely kaput if he could see her as well as hear her.

Nicola likes surfing, sports cars and keeping the furniture highly polished. She has a flair for making everything around the house look as if it's just left the showroom.

Vicky Durrant

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V For Vicky

A bunch of eggheads gathered for an intellectual protest march in the center of London. It was something to do with demanding free French literature. Well, everyone else seemed to be wanting something for nothing, and the eggheads weren't too intellectual to miss the bandwagon.

Then VICKY DURRANT walked by in her boots and her mini.

The eggheads dumped their banners into the arms of the bystanders and found a new cause. Vicky for Prime Minister. They had new banners made, emblazoned with 'V for Vicky'.

Vicky emigrated to the Isle of Wight for a fortnight. She didn't want to be Prime Minister. Who does?

Well, there's You Know Who.

Anne Baker

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Receptionist at Work

ANNE BAKER is a receptionist and here she is at work in her garden. Well, she was at work but she’s taking a rest at the moment. You can’t keep at it all the time without getting backache.

Barbara Boon

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A Real Boon

Nobby, the favourite nag of novices at the riding school, gave a whinny of relief when BARBARA BOON took him out for a long canter around Cheshire. After all the learners with their awkward seats and fancy jodhpurs, Barbara comes as a real boon to Nobby.

She's an excellent rider with an excellent seat that's equestrian parlance, you understand and no one knows how a horse appreciates an excellent seat better than the horse.

Engaged in office work from Mondays to Fridays, Barbara spends as much time at the riding school as possible when the weekends come around. That's what gives her that honeyed, healthy look.

Pauline Street

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Life is a Lovely Day

A day is lovely—or can be lovely—on account of many factors. It’s all over ecstatic vibrations if you’ve won first divvy on the pools, and it’s not far short of that if you’re on holiday in Alassio and have just met an adorable Italian girl who can’t resist your muscles. And when the day is as lovely as that life is lovely too. We had all the traditionally dreamy feelings associated with the perfect day when we were on the Welsh coast and met office girl PAULINE STREET sunning herself during her lunch hour. We went right off food, but it didn’t alter the day’s perfection.

Fish and chips aren’t everything. It’s girls who make life a lovely day. Especially when they’re as photogenic as Pauline.

Pauline’s principal interest is amateur dramatics and if her histrionic talents are only half as good as her looks each seat must be worth double the price.

And, as is intriguingly obvious, Pauline has beautiful legs and looks dazzling in fishnet tights when the pantomime season comes around. If they put her in as the cat in “Dick Whittington,” all covered in fur and whiskers, it’ll be absolutely suicidal casting. We won’t go.

Sylvia Grant

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It May Be Old Fashioned But

Sylvia is twenty-one, shapes up very delightfully at 36-23-36 likes the better television programmes, a good book, holidays in Spain and thinks it's nice for women that there are men around.

There can't be many men who don't think it's even nicer to have Sylvia around, as what's more exhilarating on a cold day than helping Sylvia to make hot toast by her fireside? Lashings of butter and the sound of happy munching.

Not that Sylvia doesn’t like the modern age, she can enjoy the turbulent vibrations of a discotheque as much as anybody. But she still thinks a home is a nice place to come back to.

The fact is, some people think it’s square to be home loving. Domesticity went out of fashion when the discotheques came in, but SYLVIA GRANT still likes all the comforts of her home.

There's nothing like relaxing in front of the fire to Sylvia or the simple joys of making a fluffy omelette.


Fay Stevens

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Some Girls Like Mink

We don’t know what the actual figures are, but if we said five girls out of every six like mink we wouldn't be exaggerating, would we? There must be exceptions, anyway, even if these can’t be more than one in six. FAY STEVENS, for instance, would prefer a super white sports car.

Fay is a secretary, with natural blonde hair, and the softest smile to go with the fastest sports car. She’s only got an old banger at the moment, but if you can pursue an ambition with dedication and zest you’ll always get what you want in the end.

Dawn Grayson

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I Was Just Testing The Water

We couldn’t help asking DAWN GRAYSON if she’d got into her foamy bath before she was quite ready for it.

If you must know, said Dawn, I was just testing the water when I slipped and fell in. I was still wearing my undies at the time. It does happen, you know.

Actually, when we were in Persia we used to take a standing shower in full drill uniform, and after stepping out we just stood around and in no time everything dried out fine.

Sounds barmy, said Dawn, and awfully damp. Still, once you're in you’re in and you might as well stay there. You can wash your smalls while you’re still wearing them.

It’s a bit like cooking your breakfast with your hat and coat on, isn’t it?

With the rain coming through the kitchen ceiling. That, said Dawn, sounds even barmier.