Gloria Gene

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Mission In Majorca

"Well, so long, Hortense," said Humphrey, "I'm off now."

"You've been off since you took that assault course in 1944,” said his wife. "See you in a couple of months," said Humphrey.

"Oh no you don't," said Hortense, holding him back by his ear, "you'll see me same as usual when you come home from the gravel pits."

"I've changed me vocation," said Humphrey, "I'm off on a mission to Majorca."

"Top secret?" said Hortense, twisting his ear anti-clockwise. It hurts more that way.

"Hardly," said Humphrey, not minding the pain because of the semiconscious bliss that pervaded him. "I'm just going to spend my time looking for FO 777. No, leggo me ear, I'm all agog."

"What's FO 777—a pre-war Bentley?" asked Hortense.

"It's Female Operative No. 777," replied Humphrey, "and my mission is to find her in Majorca before some other swine finds her first.”

"That's not going to take you a couple of months," said his wife.

"I reckon to find her in a week," said Humphrey, "the rest of the time is for social bliss."

"I thought so,” said Hortense. "Come here," she said and yanked him indoors, belted him stupid and then made him stand in a corner until all his hot romantic flushes had died down.

Humphrey, you see, had heard that Yorkshire girl GLORIA GENE was going to Majorca, and as Gloria is a honey-eating cracker who looks marvellous in a Majorcan bikini measuring 36-24-36, Humphrey didn't want to be left out of all the joys of playing beach ball with her. It was Hortense who sabotaged him.

Wives are lovely and protective.

Gloria is not only shapely, but she keeps in shape by enjoying all the vigour of an outdoor life, and among her pursuits is a love of swimming in natural waters, not pools. Her home town is Goole in Yorkshire.

Jane Downing

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It Won't Go Round

It wasn't half a problem for housewife JANE DOWNING, who wanted to get from here to there without wasting time and when her only available transport was a junior two-wheeler.

Hitching up in her mini, Jane rode like the dappers, as they say. Something twanged on the crest of the hill and it wasn't a simple suspender. It was something highly mechanical. The bike pitched to a halt and Jane fell off.

"What a silly old stupid old front wheel," she said after five minutes of poking it and thumping it, "it won't go round."

However, a passing motorist pulled up and offered her a lift. Jane would have gratefully accepted, only he had a great big dog with huge teeth in the back of the car, so she said no, she'd wait for the bus.

That's Jane doing her waiting stint. She stopped all the traffic, not just the bus.

Linda White

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Girl In A Mini

We've featured many girls in many minis, but there’s always room for one more, as the jolly sailor said when he pushed his way into the crowded Turkish Baths for Ladies.

"Here, gedoudavit,” yelled Lady Appledaw as she saw him through the steam.

"That's all right, don't mind me," he said, but the crowded ladies minded very much and shoved him into the steam vault, and he's been a bright red ever since.

Actually, we meant, of course, that there’s always room for one more girl in a mini, especially LINDA WHITE. Linda is a beauty consultant and has been in America for two years, working her way from coast to coast to see the country and to help lovely Americans look lovelier.

Pamela Day

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Just Right

Just right indeed is pretty PAMELA DAY, a perfect representative of the attractive modern miss of today. Figure just right, smile just right and fashion flair just right. It’s a sure indication that every modern girl has a film star’s potential, but fortunately for ninety-nine percent of us ordinary men most of them just settle for a happy home.

Making the most of her frills, Pamela makes a perfect picture on the step- ladder, and we’ll settle for Pamela being just that.

There’s a smile for you. How can you resist it? All right, you can’t and we know you can’t.

Sheree Winton

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Shapely Sheree

West-End actress and TV starlet is SHEREE WINTON, making a name for herself as one of the shapeliest glamour girls in show biz. There are many lovely ladies adorning the London stage but none more eye-catching than Sheree. As the appreciative impresario remarked, you can say that again, Sam.

Sue Anders

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In a London Park

It was the time of the year in this particular London park when there were a lot of nuts around.

To make it even better for the squirrels, a rather lush, pulverisingly exotic brunette called SUE ANDERS was also frequently in the offing. She brought with her bags of other nuts, the kind that save the squirrels all the bother of cracking them.

We mention that to let you know how kind Sue is. The fact that she's photogenic doesn't need mentioning, obviously, but it’s always nice to know a pulverisingly exotic brunette has a kind heart.

Why is it nice ?

Well, she might be kind to you one day.

You like nuts, don't you ?

Sue is 19, aiming for fashion photography and is currently looking forward to making her mark with a top London agency. Her outdoor exercises are just the kind to keep her photogenically involved with maintaining her perfect figure.

Jean Stewart

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Horse Sense

It isn't only the fellers who like the long legs of JEAN STEWART, a Glasgow salesgirl. Some horses she knows also show a fine sense of appreciation. The talkative one said, "But who'd be a horse? You can't whistle a girl, you can only neigh. And when you neigh they come and tell you that you've already had your oats. What a life.”

Marie Graham and Nicola Taylor

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Having Trouble

We've lately been following MARIE GRAHAM and NICOLA TAYLOR around. So would any man who had an appreciative eye for gorgeous legs and briefest mini-skirts, but that's not to say you wouldn't make it up to your wife by taking her home a dazzling bouquet of roses.

We found Marie and Nicola having trouble with their car.

"Great skyhooks," said Nicola, the one in the rugby league jersey, "talk about modern technology when you have to tow the thing home. I don't know what my husband will say.

Marie said she knew what hers would say. "Where's my tea and muffins ?”

The engine was an absolute mystery to both girls. They looked into it and all over it, and Nicola poked it with a stick and Marie gave it a kick. It never said a word. It didn't even cough. That's what comes of being just a mass of unresponsive metal. Anything else or anyone else would have taken one glad-eyed look at the two mystified but gorgeous dollies and sparked into instant life.

We certainly would.

Well, we would have if it hadn’t been for our aching back.

Alison Aitken

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Nine-To-Five

In an extremely unpretentious way ALISON AITKEN is a staunch supporter of society, and considers its advantages more than outweigh its shortcomings.

"You have to live, you have to make your way in life,” she says, "and how can you do that if you loaf around and do nothing but moan about how you can't stand the pressures? You contribute what you can to life by doing a job of work.

It may be only a comparatively unimportant job, but it's something you can get on with."

Alison is a shorthand-typist and works from nine till five quite happily. She likes being a pin-up girl when she can find time to pose for the camera, and thinks it's lots of giggles and fun.

Alison is lots of fun herself.

Sally Fairfax

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So You're Miss Fairfax?

SALLY FAIRFAX please, and yes, you've caught me in my stole.

Carol Gaye

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Haytime

Down in the wilds of Wiltshire it was all golden with hay, and shop assistant CAROL GAYE took the week-end off to help a farmer friend get everything nice and tidy.

There was hay everywhere, and after carting armfuls of it into the barn to make a tidy pile, Carol got warm enough to shed a garment or two. That was when the feller with the camera appeared. They always do on such occasions. He took some enchanting photographs of the hay and even more enchanting ones of Carol.

Barbara Archer

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Hello Again

And a big hallo it is for BARBARA ARCHER, the girl we're always pleased to see again and again. On this occasion Babs was showing us how she looked on her Spanish holiday, and we said, yes, my word, we like you in those black nylons, Babs. To which Babs replied, with a rather whimsical look in her eyes, that it was the hat, man, the hat. And we said good grief, just the hat?

"Whit,” said Barbara crisply, "are you implying?" (Barbara is a Fleet Street secretary and uses phrases like that).

We said we thought she meant she went around Spain in just the hat. and Babs said not only was that quite absurd but she could prove it by her suntan, which wasn’t all over.

Maria Assin

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Hardly Dressed For The Part

It was like this. Lovely MARIA ASSIN was about to put her riding gear on when she heard her horse whinny. So she dashed out of her shooting-box, the place she uses for changing, just in time to stop her mount from galloping off to join another horse five miles away. Although it left Maria hardly dressed for the part, it did at least save her from losing her horse. And if you want to see how Maria coped when she found she’d lost her jodhpurs instead, make sure you get next month’s issue, when Maria and horse will appear again.

Jan Newman

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Driving Us Wild

Whenever we get into a car with JAN NEWMAN, she drives us wild. Jan always keeps her eyes on the road and never runs out of petrol. “What about stopping here to look at the view, dear girl?”

“Now, now, don’t be naughty, you know I’ve got a hairdressing appointment.”

“You change gears remarkably well, you lovely thing.”

“Don’t crowd me and don’t call me names or I’ll tell your wife.” “Oh, that was a jerky change - you put your elbow in my eye.” “Here’s the bus stop. You can get out now and finish your journey on a No. 27.”

That’s what we call really driving us wild.