Sandra Morrell

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The Psychiatrist

Harry thought anybody who couldn't sort out his own problems but had to take them to a psychiatrist needed to have his head examined. His friend Oliver said that was the same thing, to which Harry replied it was all a lot of half-baked propaganda put about by blokes who had to make a living at it.

And then he met SANDRA MORRELL at a garden party, where there were lots of homemade cakes on view and a lot of home-made wine-tasting going on. Harry had tested them all by the time he bumped into Sandra, who was there in her official capacity as the garden party beauty queen or something equally exotic and ravishing.

Harry almost fell down. What a doll, he thought. He took her hand and pressed unsolicited kisses on it. Then he looked into her eyes and murmured, "Come and try my cherry tart, I made it myself." "Pardon me," said Sandra," but I never eat cherry tart with men who've had too much elderberry wine."

Harry was distraught. He went to see a psychiatrist next day to try and find out why elderberry wine made him so unattractive to women.

And after six visits, all at ten guineas a time, the psychiatrist told him it was because too much elderberry wine made him lurch sideways.

Bridget Kildare

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Dream of Home

He was on his way to Ireland and he wasn’t looking forward to it. He knew the rumours about all those punch-ups weren't rumours at all, and that if they found out his name was Smith and he came from Birmingham they’d knock his flaming head off.

On the way, there he passed someone going the other way. She was simply delicious and he only had time to wave as their boats passed. When she waved back he was enraptured. "Stop the boat,” he said to the captain, "I want to get off." "Silly boy," murmured the captain, patting his head and going on his way.

However, when he got to Ireland he had something to take his mind off the fireworks. It was his dream of home, all in the shape of BRIDGET KILDARE Bridget is a model who is constantly travelling to and fro in her professional engagements, and more than a few men who have seen her passing by consider her a dream of home.

Joanann Marshall

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Mini Trend

It’s not only the teenage girls who love the mini fashions, you know. Grown-up girls like housewife JOANANN MARSHALL love them too, and what’s more, look absolutely gorgeous in them.

Naturally, you need to have peekaboo legs.

You also need a kind of off-beat detachment to enable you to ignore the wolf whistles.

Joanann is a Lancashire girl and as is well-known, the Lancashire males whistle louder than any. But at least they don’t go in for all that pinching and nipping. You have to go all the way to Rome for that.

Imagine having to go all the way to Rome to get pinched. Well, some like it.

Don’t try pinching Joanann. You'll get socked. She bruises easily She's very fond of art by the way. She doesn’t spend all her time going out and shopping for vegetables. You can still make the most of life.

Some men are lucky. One of them was very lucky. He married her and helps her with her mini shopping. He not only knows what Joanann likes, he knows what he likes too.

Cheryl Peters

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Playground

We’re all kids at heart.

Anyway, who wants to be old? Even if you’re ninety there’s no fun in acting like ninety.

Deliciously youthful is CHERYL PETERS, and when she found herself in the kiddies’ playground and no kiddies in sight, she couldn’t resist the temptation to act like a six-year-old. Mini-skirted, long-legged Cheryl is just the girl to make the ninety-year-old ex-soldiers throw away their crutches.

Old Percy Hammerstroke did just that.

And what happened?

Poor old Percy fell flat on his face.

Cheryl picked him up and laughingly said, "There’s no need to be ridiculous."

"No fool like an old fool," muttered Percy.

Avril Manders

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That’s Life

What do you say when you go out to buy a new hotplate for your kitchen and come back with a new set of glamorous lingerie instead?

That's life. What else can you say? It was what AVRIL MANDERS said, and personally we think Avril in a new set of glamour pants and all that looks a lot more peachy than a hotplate, new or otherwise.

When you live in an apartment and do your own cooking, you need a hotplate or a gas ring or something to cook the eggs on, but it's not a must. You can always go out and eat. Especially if you've got lots of generous boyfriends, only too delighted to stand you some hot fish and chips.

Avril likes a regular meal. It keeps her in shape, like.

Jutta Albrecht

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Selling Cars

A top-class car salesman is worth his weight in cigar lighters. Now, not everyone can be top-class but you can all try and none of you should be too proud to pick up a few tips.

Here's a very good tip.

First, stand your product in the most attractive part of the showroom, preferably where the accounts girl makes the coffee. Then look around for a corking dolly bird, one with fantastic legs, and if she’s wearing suspenders instead of those rotten old sexless tights, so much the better. Anybody drifting into the showroom to look at a car isn't going to turn his nose up at the glimpse of a sexy suspender.

A dolly bird rather on the lines of JUTTA ALBRECHT, West German model, will do famously. Ask her to try the car out for size, ask her to see whether it will suit her legs and so on. Well, nobody can resist the lush interior of any new car, especially dolly birds. It gives them that extra expensive feel. So, in she gets and she tries it for comfort and size and puts her lovely legs all over the place. Meanwhile the customers are streaming in and in no time at all you've got about two dozen potential buyers crowding you and elbowing you about. You slip a bar of chocolate into the dolly bird's hand and she goes off munching it.

Followed, of course, by all your potential buyers.

Jutta posed for these pics happily enough, and did all she could to look as much like a corking dolly bird as she could. Her legs felt a bit crowded at times, but not enough to upset her dedication.

Sonya Moultz

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OUR AU PAIR WAS NEVER LIKE THIS

Most people who have had the invaluable help of an au pair girl from abroad will tell you they've never had one quite like SONYA MOULTZ.

Sonya is Austrian. She's nineteen and she came from Innsbruck to be an invaluable help to the Chucklebodys of Uxbridge. Mr Chucklebody was entranced, for Sonya brought her own maid's uniform with her, which was like a delicious something out of a French farce. Someone had told her it was the standard outfit for all au pair girls.

Mrs Chucklebody wasn't as entranced as Mr Chucklebody, who began to take days off from his business in order not to miss too much of Sonya sweeping the carpet and looking full of Continental oo-la-la. Efficient as well as delicious, she's brought order to the household chores for Mrs Chucklebody and very photogenic stocking-tops back into the life of Mr Chucklebody, who thought they'd gone for ever.

Gillian Yates

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Flower Power

Working in a London florists, GILLIAN YATES represents 1975 flower power at its most irresistible.

It's easy to walk into her shop to buy a modest bouquet for your girlfriend, and it's even easier to stay there talking about hothouse carnations, the artistic delights of flower arrangement and what an exquisite arrangement it would be if Gillian shared a bus ride with you on Sundays.

But it's not so easy to ignore the biffs in the back you get from the waiting customers. Try to grin and bear it, Fred.

Diana Reed

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Unusual

Yes, okay, we know DIANA REED is shaped in the conventional but entrancing way of all glamorous girls. We know her statistics of 37-24-36 are delightful but not unusual. What is unusual is Diana’s chief outdoor interest. It isn’t muscular beach men, it’s landscape gardening.

It's what?

Yes, we know what you mean.

Sally Randall

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Clearing up after Corky

Computer operator SALLY RANDALL has got lovely long hair and eye-catching statistics of 37-23-35.

She’s good at judo, expert at crossword puzzles and she scintillates on the dance floor. And when there’s a long-haired dog called Corky around she also has to be good at sweeping up the hairs he sheds over the carpet.

She’s more than good at this as you can see, she’s gorgeous.

Moira Orfei

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Cara Moira

That, as all of you who’ve been to Italy know, means Moira, me lovely, you’re dear to me tender eyes, so you are. If you’ve been to Italy enough or stayed over when you should have returned home, you may indeed have clapped your dazzled optics on lustrous MOIRA ORFEI, one of the bewitching beauties currently captivating the Italian film scene. Moira is so good on the eyes it hurts. Which is another way of saying, “Stop me, Bertie, what fragrant delectability—it made me mince pies feel like hot velvet.”

Joanne Martin

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Looking a Treat

There might be a tendency these days for many women to favour trouser suits around the house, and if there is then there's a definite tendency among many men to think rude things about trouser suit designers.

Trousers for women shouldn't go beyond peekaboo pants worn by those Eastern beauties who adorn sultans' palaces.

Thank goodness housewife JOANNE MARTIN still believes women look their most feminine in exquisite lingerie. Joanne herself looks a treat in black underwear. How lovely to come home to hot soup, treacle pudding and Joanne.

"Not, I hope, in that order," said Joanne.

No, of course not.

Penny-Club West Berlin

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Some Men Have All The Luck

It happened in the Penny-Club in West Berlin. The Penny-Club is where the night life is full of froth and fun.

The guy who had all the luck was the feller who compered the leg competition, inviting girls from the audience to participate and try for a breath-taking prize.

In case you’re not quite with us, he’s the one with the measuring tape.

“I think this is a gag and I’m not sure what I’m going to tell my boyfriend. No, he’s not the one with the wide shoulders, he’s the one who’s home in bed with shingles. His nerves are all to pieces and so are mine. Ooh, you’re tickling. "

“Oh, look, I don't really want a prize, I only went in for it because Gerda talked so fast to me. It’s the last time I’m going to let her talk to me at all. She’s all right, she’s sitting over there laughing her head off. Oh, but I haven’t really won, have I! Well, I never. Now then sailors shout show a leg I shan’t have such a complex.”

Soulange Ferrier

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French Style

Very much the delicious Parisian is SOULANGE FERRIER.

Soulange spends her summers working as a chambermaid in a hotel at St. Tropez.

That's French style if you like. Nothing a motherly middle-aged chambermaid who wheezes a bit. Not on your French nelly, dearest. No, it has to be a girl who could also double for a sexy French film actress in one of those permissive Gallic epics which make you roll about in the aisles.

What a lovely Soulange.

How exquisite to have the bedclothes turned down by her at night. Ah well, it's nice to think about.

Michelle Dolan

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What a Sparkler

An absolute dolly of a girl is MICHELLE DOLAN, who lives in Bradford, Yorkshire. Goes around with sparks in her eyes, lighting up like the Aurora Borealis at ail the funny things of life.

She's nineteen, measures 37-21-34 and works as a window-dresser. That's kind of Creative. She also likes to do a spot of modelling in her spare time. That's kind of artistic. Well, it is to us. We asked her what her favourite hobby was.

“Boyfriends” said Michelle.