Marion McGregor

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Oh, On The Bottle, Are We?

Oh, On The Bottle, Are We?

"How dare you?" said MARION McGREGOR.

"We were only coining a phrase to fit the look of things.”

“| only drink fruit juices," said Marion, "they help to keep my measurements static."

"'Whatter?"

"Static, you fool," said Marion, "that means constant."

"What's constant, darling?"

"In my case," said Marion, "constant is 37-23-36. Any other questions?"

"What are you doing tonight, dearest?"

"Washing my hair," said Marion, "and please don't call me dearest at least, not until you've invited me home to meet your mother."

What a cute girl.

She lives in Ayrshire, which is in Scotland, which is full of bonny bunnies, and we've always been pro-Scottish. We like bonny bunnies.

Beautiful Britons No 182 - January 1971

Lisa Scott

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Lost and Found

Candidly, we're always losing things because we don't remember where we put them. Other people lose things because they're careless.

Canadian girl LISA SCOTT, married to a lovely Englishman her own description is neither forgetful nor careless. Well, not normally she isn't. But the other day she had an argument with a traffic warden, and it took the edge off her tidy mind. She couldn't think where she'd put her shopping list, her money, and her book of stamps.

She looked everywhere. She wasn't half cut up about her temporary mental aberration. Goodness, she thought, at twenty-one, is it a sign of old age? No, darling, just the upset condition traffic wardens get people into.

Anyway, all ended on a rapturous note. She found the missing items in the pocket of her car. Not wanting to lose them again, Lisa decided that the traditional lodging place favoured by so many women before stretch tights put paid to it, was her best bet against further loss. So, she tucked the items into the top of her stocking. How pretty.

Beautiful Britons No 174 - May 1970

Brenda Johns

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I'll Be Glad To Come Back Later

It was McKenzie's turn to go round and fix the electric kettle for BRENDA JOHNS of Co. Durham.

But Brenda wasn't dressed for visitors.

She'd washed her favourite mini-skirt and was elegantly draping herself around the place waiting for it to dry. She made a genuinely photogenic sweater girl, anyway.

"All right,"' called McKenzie through the keyhole, "I'll be glad to come back later."

Fair enough. Brenda is an enchanting eyeful. She works as a receptionist in her boyfriend’s garage, she's twenty three and measures 36-23-36. She likes driving fast cars and Continental holidays.

And she's got a lovely profile.

Mmmmm.

Beautiful Britons No 174 - May 1970

Sandra Keyes

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Making a Splash

Enjoying all the invigorating delights of making a splash in the local river is SANDRA KEYES, blueeyed blonde. Sandra is a shorthand typist and a pop fan, with an eager beaver approach to all the healthy fun of life. Sandra's maxim is that you're only young once, her modest ambition is to marry and live in a country cottage. Lovely.

Beautiful Britons No 182 - January 1971

Suzy Henshaw

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Suzy

SUZY HENSHAW is from Pontypridd and is rather delicious. She likes climbing and horse-riding, and is corkingly shapely at 39"-23"-36". She makes a lovely bikini belle too.

Beautiful Britons No 166 - September 1969

Joanne Stewart

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Oranges & Lemons

What makes a lovely girl more lovely?

What makes her more curvy as well?

Oranges and lemons, says JOANNE STEWART.

Joanne is a housewife who is also a dolly-bird of exceptional impact, this being due as much to her figure of 37-23-37 as her honey-gold hair.

What you do, she says, is this. You take one orange, peel it, dissect it, and eat it with a thin slice of dry toast. That's for breakfast, and you can have a weak cup of China tea as well, but no milk.

For lunch you have another orange, only with nuts. If you want to go mad you can finish off with a small glass of a tomato juice.

For dinner you can have two oranges, and if you must have something hot to go with them try half a haddock. For afters you can have two dates but no custard.

But the lemons, Joanne, you haven't mentioned them. Don't you have a lemon or two in between?

A lemon, says Joanne, is someone who believes all this. Honestly, some housewives with this sense of humour can't half make you feel a fool.

Amber Jackson

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Cover Colour

Making our cover look very colourful this month is AMBER JACKSON, one of our latest lovelies.

Amber is willowy and gorgeous, and when she's not adding glamour and elegance to the London scene she's probably in Paris or Rome, trying to look over the fashion trends there while fending off ardent Latins who want to get to know her better.

"Honestly," she said when she arrived back on one occasion, "you daren't even smile or you get carried off to meet someone's mother with a view to being approved as a bride. Well, I hope as a bride, but you can never tell with those Continentals."

You're right, love. Some of them just have no principles.

Spick No 246 - May 1974

Cathy Winslow

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Glamour In Law

When Mr. Bakewell Pursglove shot into the solicitor's office he was in a frenzy of irritation and very loud of voice.

“I want me rights, I want protection,” he roared, "that blue-bottomed monkey from next door has eaten all me flaming raspberries again."

'Oh, how distressing," said a soft, calm voice, “please take a seat, sir, and I’ll see if our Mr. Henry is free.”

The next thing Mr. Bakewell Pursglove knew was that a vision of warm-eyed enchantment was guiding him into a chair.

"Who are you?" he asked faintly.

The vision introduced herself as CATHY WINSLOW, an invaluable asset in any solicitor's office.

"Well never mind Mr. Henry or whatever his name is," said the infatuated Bakewell, "you'll do for me, darling. It's this perishing jungle creature they keep next door. Every year it sneaks over the fence and eats all me juiciest raspberries. Now what I want done.” And he went on about some kind of complicated civil action and in between managed to invite Cathy round to see his cucumber plants.

In return Cathy managed to pass him over to the senior partner and Bakewell wondered where all the enchantment of the place had gone.

Spick No 211 - June 1971