Lynn Palmer

/

Call For Miss Palmer

It was nice and quiet until the phone rang in the conservatory. It was a call for LYNN PALMER. There was a loud voice at the other end wanting to know what had happened to the fish, had it been shot to death and when Lynn, a window-dresser, had no idea what the idiot was on about and said so.

'Look here' said the idiot. "you're not trying to tell me you're dead ignorant about fish are you? You're Mavis Palmer, known as Underwater Lulu aren't you? You catch fish and sell them, don't you? Well, come round to my place and look at this skate you sold me. It's gone green."

"You've got the wrong person. I'm Lynn Palmer and I've never caught a fish in my life."

"Oh. really?" said the nut. "Well, stay there. I'll be right round and we'll go angling together

Joan Paul

/

Rural View

“Hi,” said the man in the green jacket, “I can’t see any pheasants, but I’ve lost interest since I spotted you. Would you like to stay there while I go and change my gun for a camera?”

“I shan’t be here all day,” said JOAN PAUL, “so if you want to snap me, you’d better start running.”

So, the man in the green jacket went off at a trot, but he couldn’t find anyone with a camera who wanted to exchange it for a gun, and there was no alternative in the end but to go and buy one. By the time he returned to photograph the rural view with Joan in the foreground, Joan had gone home. There are other things to do in life besides waiting for a man to go and acquire a camera.

Ingrid Schoeller

/

Italian Line

In Rome at the moment is INGRID SCHOELLER, film actress.

She isn’t the only one converted to the Italian line.

Beautiful girls from all over the world confess they are fascinated by the Italian line as soon as they arrive in Rome. Some also confess they are a little confused by it, especially Southern belles arriving from Atlanta, Georgia, where the men never pinch a girl, however luscious she is.

The Italian line has nothing whatever to do with coy reserve. If the Romans like the look of a flower of the Orient or a damsel from Denmark, they don’t believe in hiding their feelings.

They like Ingrid Schoeller very much. And Ingrid in turn is not without affection for Rome. As well as the Romans there are also all those lovely ancient monuments, which are extremely stimulating to any girl with an interest in old masonry.

Old masonry in the shadows of a Rome moon can be quite romantic.

Valerie Peters

/

Commuter in the Country

We met her in the country when we were out for a walk with our dog. Her name is VALERIE PETERS, she’s a secretary who lives in Essex and commutes daily to and from London.

Outside her hometown the country is full of corn and tomato hothouses, and there are fields of long grass just beyond her back door. So, Valerie often takes her own dog for walks through the verdant green and it was a happy occasion for us when our walks coincided.

But our dog bit her dog and what should have been an opportunity for an interesting talk about politics turned into a doggy free-for-all.

You can’t trust any four-legged animal when the occasion is auspicious.

Gundy Korber

/

Car Proud

Some girls are house-proud and some girls just leave home and go off to places like Nepal, carrying a tent with them and having nothing to do with carpet sweepers and furniture polish.

West German girl GUNDY KORBER is car proud and you can keep your tents and your hobnailed walking boots. You can see Gundy outside her apartment most weekends, and she'll be cleaning and polishing her car for sure. Don’t just stand around and admire her legs, get yourself a polisher and join her in her labour of love. She'll think the world of you.

Gail Pinder

/

Raking in The Lolly

If there's a girl you'd most like to be lost in a casino with it must be GAIL PINDER, for Gail is a croupier at a Manchester night club.

Never did any croupier look so charming or rake in the lolly so sweetly. It's a pleasure to lose. Well, even if not a pleasure it doesn’t hurt so much, not if you lose yourself in her green eyes as she scoops it in.

Sandra Morrell

/

The Psychiatrist

Harry thought anybody who couldn't sort out his own problems but had to take them to a psychiatrist needed to have his head examined. His friend Oliver said that was the same thing, to which Harry replied it was all a lot of half-baked propaganda put about by blokes who had to make a living at it.

And then he met SANDRA MORRELL at a garden party, where there were lots of homemade cakes on view and a lot of home-made wine-tasting going on. Harry had tested them all by the time he bumped into Sandra, who was there in her official capacity as the garden party beauty queen or something equally exotic and ravishing.

Harry almost fell down. What a doll, he thought. He took her hand and pressed unsolicited kisses on it. Then he looked into her eyes and murmured, "Come and try my cherry tart, I made it myself." "Pardon me," said Sandra," but I never eat cherry tart with men who've had too much elderberry wine."

Harry was distraught. He went to see a psychiatrist next day to try and find out why elderberry wine made him so unattractive to women.

And after six visits, all at ten guineas a time, the psychiatrist told him it was because too much elderberry wine made him lurch sideways.

Bridget Kildare

/

Dream of Home

He was on his way to Ireland and he wasn’t looking forward to it. He knew the rumours about all those punch-ups weren't rumours at all, and that if they found out his name was Smith and he came from Birmingham they’d knock his flaming head off.

On the way, there he passed someone going the other way. She was simply delicious and he only had time to wave as their boats passed. When she waved back he was enraptured. "Stop the boat,” he said to the captain, "I want to get off." "Silly boy," murmured the captain, patting his head and going on his way.

However, when he got to Ireland he had something to take his mind off the fireworks. It was his dream of home, all in the shape of BRIDGET KILDARE Bridget is a model who is constantly travelling to and fro in her professional engagements, and more than a few men who have seen her passing by consider her a dream of home.

Joanann Marshall

/

Mini Trend

It’s not only the teenage girls who love the mini fashions, you know. Grown-up girls like housewife JOANANN MARSHALL love them too, and what’s more, look absolutely gorgeous in them.

Naturally, you need to have peekaboo legs.

You also need a kind of off-beat detachment to enable you to ignore the wolf whistles.

Joanann is a Lancashire girl and as is well-known, the Lancashire males whistle louder than any. But at least they don’t go in for all that pinching and nipping. You have to go all the way to Rome for that.

Imagine having to go all the way to Rome to get pinched. Well, some like it.

Don’t try pinching Joanann. You'll get socked. She bruises easily She's very fond of art by the way. She doesn’t spend all her time going out and shopping for vegetables. You can still make the most of life.

Some men are lucky. One of them was very lucky. He married her and helps her with her mini shopping. He not only knows what Joanann likes, he knows what he likes too.

Cheryl Peters

/

Playground

We’re all kids at heart.

Anyway, who wants to be old? Even if you’re ninety there’s no fun in acting like ninety.

Deliciously youthful is CHERYL PETERS, and when she found herself in the kiddies’ playground and no kiddies in sight, she couldn’t resist the temptation to act like a six-year-old. Mini-skirted, long-legged Cheryl is just the girl to make the ninety-year-old ex-soldiers throw away their crutches.

Old Percy Hammerstroke did just that.

And what happened?

Poor old Percy fell flat on his face.

Cheryl picked him up and laughingly said, "There’s no need to be ridiculous."

"No fool like an old fool," muttered Percy.

Sally Randall

/

Clearing up after Corky

Computer operator SALLY RANDALL has got lovely long hair and eye-catching statistics of 37-23-35.

She’s good at judo, expert at crossword puzzles and she scintillates on the dance floor. And when there’s a long-haired dog called Corky around she also has to be good at sweeping up the hairs he sheds over the carpet.

She’s more than good at this as you can see, she’s gorgeous.

Moira Orfei

/

Cara Moira

That, as all of you who’ve been to Italy know, means Moira, me lovely, you’re dear to me tender eyes, so you are. If you’ve been to Italy enough or stayed over when you should have returned home, you may indeed have clapped your dazzled optics on lustrous MOIRA ORFEI, one of the bewitching beauties currently captivating the Italian film scene. Moira is so good on the eyes it hurts. Which is another way of saying, “Stop me, Bertie, what fragrant delectability—it made me mince pies feel like hot velvet.”

Angeline Dunmore

/

Congratulations

Could be we’re offering ANGELINE DUNMORE congratulations on looking so lovely, but in actual fact we’re proffering felicitations because we’ve just heard that since the last time we saw her Angeline's become the proud parent of a brand-new daughter. And if baby looks anything like her mama then she's all set to sweep the board at the local baby shows.

We asked Angelina's husband how he felt about having: two beautiful girls in the family instead of one, and he said his main feeling was that already he was outnumbered.

We asked Angeline how she felt, and she said, apropos her hubby’s comment, that it wasn’t before time.

And hubby said he’d go along with that as it was obviously wiser to!

Penny-Club West Berlin

/

Some Men Have All The Luck

It happened in the Penny-Club in West Berlin. The Penny-Club is where the night life is full of froth and fun.

The guy who had all the luck was the feller who compered the leg competition, inviting girls from the audience to participate and try for a breath-taking prize.

In case you’re not quite with us, he’s the one with the measuring tape.

“I think this is a gag and I’m not sure what I’m going to tell my boyfriend. No, he’s not the one with the wide shoulders, he’s the one who’s home in bed with shingles. His nerves are all to pieces and so are mine. Ooh, you’re tickling. "

“Oh, look, I don't really want a prize, I only went in for it because Gerda talked so fast to me. It’s the last time I’m going to let her talk to me at all. She’s all right, she’s sitting over there laughing her head off. Oh, but I haven’t really won, have I! Well, I never. Now then sailors shout show a leg I shan’t have such a complex.”

Soulange Ferrier

/

French Style

Very much the delicious Parisian is SOULANGE FERRIER.

Soulange spends her summers working as a chambermaid in a hotel at St. Tropez.

That's French style if you like. Nothing a motherly middle-aged chambermaid who wheezes a bit. Not on your French nelly, dearest. No, it has to be a girl who could also double for a sexy French film actress in one of those permissive Gallic epics which make you roll about in the aisles.

What a lovely Soulange.

How exquisite to have the bedclothes turned down by her at night. Ah well, it's nice to think about.