Marie Graham & Eve Law

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I Can't Come Now

"I can't come now," said MARIE GRAHAM, Hampshire secretary, "I'm all tied up."

"It's only the milkman, anyway," said EVE LAW, ditto, "and he's nobody."

It was all in aid of some amateur dramatics, and Eve was dedicated to making it all look brilliantly authentic. This included getting Marie all tied up and then tickling her foot.

"This is hysterical," said Marie.

"That's right," said Eve, "just shriek your head off kind of lifelike."

Marie thought it was all very well to be kind of lifelike, but there's a point when too much reality turns into how to go bonkers on an overdose of giggling heebie-jeebies.

At which point it's time to suggest a break for coffee

Well, we'll leave it at that and bring you more of the girls next month. Don't get too worked up waiting.

Span No 200 - April 1971

Caroline Adams

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Exhileration

Never mind the crises, which are always with us; anyway. Concentrate on the fact that being alive in this wonderful world of lush pastures is far better than being just a cold, stark stiff in the ground.

Look at CAROLINE ADAMS.

There's exhilaration for you, as well as a saucy wink.

Caroline is all set to look ahead, while glum blokes like Fred are looking back and talking about what it was like when Robin Hood was alive. All merry jostling and jousting in Nottingham and dancing the Maybell with buxom maids.

What's the Maybell?

Well, if you make a hit, it's a real ring-a-ding for a night and a day.

Span No 234 - February 1974

Jane Walters

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Student Protest

They were getting ever so restive at college, and it looked as if one of them their rackety protests was in the offing.

It was all over student JANE WALTERS.

Someone had said she was leaving, that she'd been offered a glamorous and lucrative career among the exotic hoi pollo of telly commercials.

Several hairy students said they'd fall down dead if Jane left. To keep themselves from thinking too traumatically about this dread fate they began to prepare banners, slogans, and sit-ins.

Then along came Jane, carrying her books and lecture notes. Stepping daintily over students who were going one degree farther than a sit-in with a lie in, she asked what all the fuss was about. When told she was the focal point, like, she giggled and said, "Thanks ever so, fellers, but I'm not leaving, I only do modelling when I'm on vacation."

Joyful relief abounded, and in deep gratitude they all made good resolutions for the New Year. Like taking the fluff out of their beards.

Span No 234 - February 1974

Marilyn Ward and Nicola Taylor

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How Do I Look

Pretty girls are naturally camera-conscious and don't like to be caught when they've just come up from a coalmine. "No, not yet," said MARILYN WARD as NICOLA TAYLOR got her into focus, “the breeze is making me look all windswept,”

“Well, hurry up," said Nicola as Marilyn reversed the process, "I'm getting sand in my shoes, "Say cheese." said Marilyn.

"Oh, blow that," said Nicola, "every time I say cheese, I get sand in my mouth too.

"How do I look now?" asked Marilyn, sitting pretty, "As I gaze intently into the viewfinder," said Nicola, “I can now see what's in it for the photographers. No wonder they like their job."

'Yes, I see what you mean," said Marilyn a minute later, "you look ever so mini-skirted. I say, aren't they lucky, they get paid as well." “I tell you what” said Nicola, "let's go and see if there's any beefcake on the beach - we might get paid for photographing them."

Beautiful Britons No 153 - August 1968

Susan McKay

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Sandy Sue

Down among the sand dunes SUSAN McKAY found time to lie in the sun. It was a pity she'd left her bikini on the coach, for although you can brown some of yourself in a light dress, you can't cover the same amount of area as you can in a bikini. Especially the itsy-bitsy kind.

Nonetheless (as they say in those slightly archaic novels) Susan looks very attractive in a light dress and those frilly garters are just as likely to turn a head as a bikini.

"Hey, you're looking"

Yes, well - well, as a matter of fact - well, we wondered if you'd seen our dog.

"Did it have shaggy hair, just like you? And floppy ears, also like you?"

Well, no.

"Then go away or I'll call my bloodhound to bite you."

You can't mean that. Couldn't we take just one picture of you while we're here? You look divine. Smashing in fact. "Oh, you and your big blue eyes. Just half-a-dozen, then." Could we make it one over the eight?

"You've already had that I can tell from the empty bottles."

Beautiful Britons No 80 - June 1962

Sandra Morrell

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The Impeccable Look

The phone had been replaced a long time ago, the date for dinner at a lamplit bistro in Chelsea had been fixed and all SANDRA MORRELL had to do was to gild and dress the lily and get there.

She being the lily, of course.

"Hurry up," said her flat mate, "you'll be late.' "Any moment now," said Sandra, "I'II be ready."

Sandra is a girl who can't be hurried under any circs. She likes to be absolutely sure that when she is dated, she looks impeccable. Charlie Greyduck thought that impeccable was something to do with nuts roasted in an iron pan, over an open fire, but dead ignorance keeps Charlie where he is, right at the back.

Anyway, by the time Sandra was ready she did look impeccable and lovely beyond anything. Except that as she came down the stairs her flat mate, Henrietta, said, "Not in that mini, you are silly, you'll have to change it for a maxi. Or put stretch tights on."

"Oh sorry," blushed Sandra, "I forgot."

She shouldn't have worried. Chelsea would have looked and loved. You don't have to be conformist to be impeccable. Not in Chelsea, anyway.

Span No 207 - November 1971

Marie Fitzgerald

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Sunny Side Up

Well, it was that kind of a day, with the sun shining and all, So MARIE FITZGERALD wasn't letting it go to waste. She jumped into a car and drove into the country, where using walls and fences to perch on she arranged herself sunny side up. Marie is a Bournemouth girl and likes to get herself toasted, and if you prefer fried eggs, you must love food to the point where you're neurotic. Or perhaps some girl in your distant past broke your leg in a game of mixed hockey and you decided fried eggs were safer.

Spick No 185 - April 1969

Lynn Joyce

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Dial "H" For Help

This wasn't a case for 999 - LYNN JOYCE had merely forgotten to order the pork chipolatas from her local store for her big party.

She'd got the sticks and the mustard and the pickles, but not the chipolatas. I’ll bring them up on my bicycle, said the manager.

"That's really very sweet of you,” said Lynn, “and you're a great help. Without my chipolatas it would be panic stations up here.”

Now What?

"It really. is panic stations,” said Lynn,

" Because my dress hasn't come back from the cleaners and I can't receive my guests like this, can I?" Honestly, we wouldn't make any fuss.

Beautiful Britons No 80 - June 1962

Laurie Sands

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Cooling Off

When it was all hot and goosepimples were something, you didn't think could happen,

Battersea model LAURIE SANDS found a nice shady spot in which to sun her curves.

Undeniably, a warm, suntanned curve is far more to be coveted than a cool, glacial one, but Laurie says a girl can't go around looking as if she's smouldering, it only ignites the combustibility of impressionable males. Far safer, she says, to look utterly cool and distant.

On the other hand, the cool, distant look is such a challenge to egoistic burks that many an ice-cold femme has had to call for help to save being carried off by hot-blooded, well-oiled sheiks.

"Golly, how lovely," murmured Laurie.

Span No 234 - February 1974

Rene Haywood

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Who's In Charge?

Not quite sure what's happening - because she's a stranger in the place - is curvaceous RENE HAYWOOD.

One can get into quite a flap when one is face-to-face with strange desks and strange phones and there's no familiar face around.

Rene just came along to see if anyone was interested in giving her a sitting, but not this kind, to wit.

Beautiful Britons No 72 - October 1961

Cecelia Rodriguez

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Happiness Is a Good Book

Lovely Brighton dolly CECELIA RODRIGUEZ is fond of literature. To Cecelia happiness is a good book. She quite understands that for others it's pop concert or a freak-in on the beach, but neither is her scene.

She also likes travel. She has a feeling for balloons. She thinks Phineas Fogg must have known utter bliss in ballooning around the world in eighty days, and she's saving up to buy a balloon of her own. Then she hopes to be up, up and away.

She'll take some good books with her in case it rains.

Maggie McCully

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Wild and Woolly

Not really all that wild - just excitingly civilised - is gay MAGGIE McCULLY, but her cosy top is very woolly, and Maggie is well wrapped up in it, don't you think?

Maggie lives in Surrey and spends five days a week as an assistant secretary with high hopes of becoming the boss's No. I in due course. The job of being No. I secretary is one which Maggie will fit as charmingly as she fits a swimsuit that measures 35"-22"-36".

One of the intriguing aspects of commerce today is the fact that secretaries seem to possess not only the necessary academic qualifications for their jobs but also the physical qualifications that are a must for pin-up girls.

Dear Sir Harry - Is your secretary photogenic and glamorous? If not, why not? Come, spare a moment from your colossal estimates to look at Maggie, and then ask yourself why you don't have someone as cute as this to keep your pencils sharpened.

Maggie is lively, lovely, and lissom. She is also gay, gallivanting, and gorgeous loves dancing and dining, bright lights, and sandy beaches. Has black hair, brown eyes, and long legs. An absolute tonic at a party. And, to cut a long story short, is a perfect eyeful.

Beautiful Britons No 80 - June 1962

Margaret Smith

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Pick of the Post

We had one of those exhilarating months with the post. It came in through the window one day on account of the postman not having time to bring it through the door. He was in a hurry to get back to the sorting office to help out a new lady sorter with green eyes. Still, he did leave us with an envelope that contained some very alluring photographs of a Brighton girl called MARGARET SMITH, and we thought she was just the girl we could devote this monthly feature to.

Margaret works in a Brighton office. Haphazard men keep popping into the office to ask the way to the pier. It's not because they're haphazard about where the pier is, but because they're falling to pieces over the allure of Margaret and it's the only way, they can keep in touch with her.

Span No 182 - October 192

Jane Rennie – Cherie Scott – Ann Grainger

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Friends Frolicking in the Countryside

Friends Frolicking in the Countryside. These pictures are from sets that appeared in Spick No’s 116 & 117 (July and August 1963) and which were regurgitated for our enjoyment again in Spick & Span Extra No 55, Summer 1975.

These, of course, have been colourised; the jury is out as far as I am concerned, but definitely worth a showing. Many thanks for this contribution.

Jane Rennie - Cherie Scott - Ann Grainger