Maria Lynley

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Don't Ring Off

The phone rang and MARIA LYNLEY answered it.

"Hello," she said, "who's that?"

"It's me," said Harry.

"Who's you?" said Maria.

"Harry," said Harry.

"Is it about the telly?" said Maria.

“I haven't got one," said Harry, "I keep chickens. Can you come out tonight?"

“I'll ask my husband," said Maria, a lovely young Leicester housewife.

"Oh sock me," said Harry, "isn't that Ethel?"

"No, it isn't," said Maria, "it's me."

"Who's you?" said Harry.

"Maria," said Maria, "goodbye, Harry."

"No, don't ring off," said Harry, "you don't half sound cracking."

"Saucebox," giggled Maria and put the phone down.

Beautiful Britons No - 182 January 1971

Linda Room

/

Ah, That's Better

It had been a hard day’s day for model LINDA ROOM, currently working in West Berlin.

All those fashions had been hot. When they made a model exhibit the warm allure of winter furs in the summer, you bet it's hot.

Linda couldn't get home to her apartment quickly enough. Quickly removing confining garments, she got into something comfy.

Eh?

Then clad in something comfy she took a long cool drink.

She felt a lot better then.

And she looked awfully comfy.

Pamela Johnston

/

Travelling Dolly

Girl who loves wandering is PAMELA JOHNSTON of Glasgow.

Pam is a secretary and one of the modern kind who likes to work her way around the wonders of the world. She's been all over Europe, all over Canada and the U.S.A.

Some people can't even take a bus ride without feeling lost once they've gone past the fourpenny stage. But Pam inherits the spirit of her ancestors who explored the world by sailing ship and horseback.

She's thinking of doing the Rockies on a mule.

Lucky old mule.

Span No 198 - February 1971

Sandy Blair

/

Poetical Pin-Up

Poetical Pin-Up

A girl must do a steady job of work in order to earn herself acceptable board and lodging, but that doesn't mean she has to become as soulless as her typewriter.

If you've got poetry in your heart, as SANDY BLAIR of Canterbury has, it can take more than a rattling commercial keyboard to smother it. Sandy likes to write poetry every spare moment she can get, and none of it starts off on the lines of 'Violets are blue. or roses are red . .

It's much more like

Ah, brooding walls of glass and lime

That soar in concrete grey

Come down, dark walls, come down

And crumble.

Sort of modern and passionate.

Sandy is a poem herself, and lovely to look at as well.

Spick No 246 - May 1974

Jo Ritchie

/

Waiting for Winter

Looking very photogenic by her fireside is Hampshire girl JO RITCHIE.

Jo, who works in an office in Bournemouth, is staking her claim to the warmest spot on the rug while she waits for winter.

One thing that's nice about winter is a long cosy evening by the fireside with a good book or a thriller on the telly.

One thing that's even nicer is Jo.

Beautiful Britons No 182 - January 1971

Anita St George

/

Anthropology Must Have Charm

University student ANITA ST.GEORGE has brains as well as beauty. Since it isn't difficult for us to show you just how beautiful she is, it's only fair to give you a written description of her brains. Otherwise, she'll think - and so will you - that we only care about her looks.

Anita has the keenest brains you could wish for in any girl. She passed her entrance exams standing on her head, as it were. And just to convince you we're not fooling; we must point out that at university Anita's main subject is anthropology.

Anthropology, of course, is the scientific study of homo sapiens. All a of us. A more involved and a more difficult subject than the human race has still to be invented.

It's always sounded like something only Freud could find truly fascinating, but it must have charm to fascinate a girl like Anita. We've sent her an extremely well written note asking her to come up and study us over a pot of China tea. Her conclusions may be somewhat shattering but it's one way of enjoying her company and appreciating her intellect.

Spick No 210 - May 1971

Carlene Thomson

/

There's Always Tomorrow

The ambition of CARLENE THOMSON is to win the football pools and travel around in her own private plane.

Carlene knows it might not happen today.

But there's always tomorrow or the day after.

In the meantime, Carlene works away as a secretary and models in her spare time. This doesn't help her to build up a bank account because she's so mad about clothes she spends all she earns on them. But it does help her to look lovely on weekdays and absolutely smashing at weekends.

Spick No 211 - June 1971

Mandy Wright

/

Handy Mandy

Not only is she a gorgeous dolly bird, but also a beautifully handy girl to have around in all kinds of circumstances. MANDY WRIGHT, in fact, can row your boat when the engine breaks down and change your car tyre when you get a flat.

She can a knock up a stunning meal from bread, cheese, and eggs when you've run out of everything else and work out a string of fascinating alibis for you when you forget your girlfriend’s birthday.

In addition, she lights up the skyline on the darkest night or illuminates the house during a power cut. That is, she's a cracker to look at any time. She lives in London.

London is all lit up.

Beautiful Britons No 207 - February 1973

Catherine Brydon

/

Toboggan Run

With all that snow lying around on the slopes of the Highlands, Scottish housewife CATHERINE BRYDON didn't want to waste any of it. Feeling a bit exhilarated on account of having bought some fur-lined bargains at the winter sales, Catherine found her toboggan and took it for a run.

She looked lovely amid all that snow.

She went whooshing down the slopes and skidding round the curves. She fell off once or twice, much to the aesthetic satisfaction of a fellow tobogganist who was waiting to pick her up. He was a connoisseur of shapely limbs, and he hadn't seen any as aesthetically admirable as Catherine's since last winter, when his girlfriend fell headfirst into a snow drift.

"Don't miss anything, will you?" said Catherine.

"Not if can help it," said he.

Beautiful Britons No 207 - February 1973

Trudi Jackson

/

Anyone Seen My Tights

Secretary TRUDI JACKSON was at home and looking for her tights.

"Anyone seen them?" she said.

Yes, said the bloke from next door as he looked in at the window, you're wearing them.

"Oh," blushed Trudi, "I forgot."

Her tights certainly looked nice and the bloke from next door thought her knicks did too, and he wouldn't go away until Trudi opened the window and poked him in both eyes with a pot plant.

Spick No 246 - May 1974

Jennifer Taylor

/

Looking For a Lamb

Anticipating the early arrival of spring, JENNIFER APRIL ANN TAYLOR went looking for a lamb.

The farmer's creaking old shepherd went looking for his rum flask. He was once a sailor, but he still left things lying about.

Jennifer didn't find any lambs; it was a bit too early.

The old shepherd didn't find his rum flask, either, but he found Jennifer. They came face to face in a misty meadow.

"Great cucumbers,'" said the old shepherd, "who needs rum, me beauty?"

“Good grief," said Jennifer, breaking into a fast trot, "who needs help? I do."

But as she leapt the gate the old shepherd lurched into it, and she was saved by the bong. He didn't come to until Jennifer was safely home and eating shepherd's pie.

Beautiful Britons No 207 - February 1973

Gaby Blaesing

/

Some Fashion

West Berlin fashion model GABY BLAESING had an assignment in the country outside the city. It was to model trousers and sweaters, trousers, and tops.

Gaby thought one of the tops would look more in fashion if worn up instead of over.

Some fashion.

Mr. Gubbelheimer will hardly think it's quite the thing for a night at the opera. Gaby thought it a giggle. The photographer thought it a goggle and fell over his tripod.

We think it's a little bit saucy.

Pass the iced water, Claude, or pour it over us yourself.

Beautiful Britons No 207 - February 1973

Sandra Morrell

/

Who Needs A Psychiatrist?

Harry thought anybody who couldn't sort out his own problems but had to take them to a psychiatrist needed to have his head examined. His friend Oliver said that was the same thing, to which Harry replied it was all of half-baked propoganda put about by blokes who had to make a living at it.

And then he met SANDRA MORRELL at a garden party, where there were lots of home-made cakes on view and a lot of home-made wine tasting going on. Harry had tested them all by the time he bumped into Sandra, who was there in her official capacity as the garden party beauty queen or something equally exotic and ravishing.

Harry almost fell down. What a doll, he thought. He took her hand and pressed unsolicited kisses on it. Then he looked into her eyes and murmured, "Come and try my cherry tart, I made it myself." "Pardon me, said Sandra," but I never eat cherry tart with men who've had too much elderberry wine."

Harry was distraught. He went to see a psychiatrist next day to try and find out why elderberry wine made him so unattractive to women.

And after six visits, all at ten guineas a time, the psychiatrist told him it was because too much elderberry wine made him lurch sideways.

Spick No 211 - June 1971

Helen Candlish and Jean Dee

/

GEE UP!

It was the sort of day to make the girls lively, all the sun and fresh air inspiring blonde HELEN CANDLISH and brunette JEAN DEE to practise the egg-and-spoon race for the forthcoming fete. And other races too.

"Gee up?" cried Helen.

"Look, I never was intended to win the Grand National," said Jean, "so just watch it with your spurs, will you?"

Oh well, over the meadows they galloped, like, and in the fields they skipped, and the young farmers stood around and said they were the best thing that had happened to agriculture since Cleopatra.

We don't feel we can argue.

Spick No 246 - May 1974

Hazel Poole

/

Bingo

" I say," said the smitten bystander.

A perfectly exquisite pair of legs had just gone by. They belonged to mini-skirted housewife HAZEL POOLE, and the bystander, who wasn't doing anything except waiting for a bus, felt floored. Gad, bingo! he thought.

Hazel's lovely legs go wherever she goes, which makes her ever so good to look at when she's out shopping, or at home trying on a new pair of stocking-tops.

"Are you engaged, wonderful one?" asked the bystander, forgetting about his bus and catching her up.

Hazel coolly informed him she was married and that her husband packed rather a large wallop, and the bystander, a fine upstanding young bloke, sighed and said, "Well, anytime your lovely legs aren't doing anything special please come and stand them in an empty picture frame of mine."

"Oh, sauce box, are we ?" said Hazel and pulled his hat over his eyes.

Beautiful Britons No 240 - July 1975