Joanne Stewart

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Oranges & Lemons

What makes a lovely girl more lovely?

What makes her more curvy as well?

Oranges and lemons, says JOANNE STEWART.

Joanne is a housewife who is also a dolly-bird of exceptional impact, this being due as much to her figure of 37-23-37 as her honey-gold hair.

What you do, she says, is this. You take one orange, peel it, dissect it, and eat it with a thin slice of dry toast. That's for breakfast, and you can have a weak cup of China tea as well, but no milk.

For lunch you have another orange, only with nuts. If you want to go mad you can finish off with a small glass of a tomato juice.

For dinner you can have two oranges, and if you must have something hot to go with them try half a haddock. For afters you can have two dates but no custard.

But the lemons, Joanne, you haven't mentioned them. Don't you have a lemon or two in between?

A lemon, says Joanne, is someone who believes all this. Honestly, some housewives with this sense of humour can't half make you feel a fool.

Amber Jackson

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Cover Colour

Making our cover look very colourful this month is AMBER JACKSON, one of our latest lovelies.

Amber is willowy and gorgeous, and when she's not adding glamour and elegance to the London scene she's probably in Paris or Rome, trying to look over the fashion trends there while fending off ardent Latins who want to get to know her better.

"Honestly," she said when she arrived back on one occasion, "you daren't even smile or you get carried off to meet someone's mother with a view to being approved as a bride. Well, I hope as a bride, but you can never tell with those Continentals."

You're right, love. Some of them just have no principles.

Spick No 246 - May 1974

Cathy Winslow

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Glamour In Law

When Mr. Bakewell Pursglove shot into the solicitor's office he was in a frenzy of irritation and very loud of voice.

“I want me rights, I want protection,” he roared, "that blue-bottomed monkey from next door has eaten all me flaming raspberries again."

'Oh, how distressing," said a soft, calm voice, “please take a seat, sir, and I’ll see if our Mr. Henry is free.”

The next thing Mr. Bakewell Pursglove knew was that a vision of warm-eyed enchantment was guiding him into a chair.

"Who are you?" he asked faintly.

The vision introduced herself as CATHY WINSLOW, an invaluable asset in any solicitor's office.

"Well never mind Mr. Henry or whatever his name is," said the infatuated Bakewell, "you'll do for me, darling. It's this perishing jungle creature they keep next door. Every year it sneaks over the fence and eats all me juiciest raspberries. Now what I want done.” And he went on about some kind of complicated civil action and in between managed to invite Cathy round to see his cucumber plants.

In return Cathy managed to pass him over to the senior partner and Bakewell wondered where all the enchantment of the place had gone.

Spick No 211 - June 1971

Susanne Ferrier

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Dolly Bird From Scotland

They're with it in Scotland, you know. In their kilts they've been swinging since Bonnie Prince Charlie. London has only recently caught up.

Shorthand-typist SUSANNE FERRIER is as eye-catching a dolly bird as any in the King's Road. She lives in a Glasgow suburb and commutes daily to and from the city centre.

She's a keen swimmer and is naturally a swinger when it comes to dancing at the Glasgow discotheques.

She confesses she loves conversation. That's a bit different from so many who adore the goggle-box.

What a lovely evening you could spend chatting her up. Susanne's vitalistics are 36-22-37.

Seen around the home, Susanne makes just the kind of leggy picture that's getting lamentably scarcer. The fashion fanatics don't know what they're doing to us with their stretch tights.

Beautiful Britons No 174 - May 1970

Heather Armfield

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Can Spring Be Far Away

The fanfare heralding the arrival of spring seems ready to sound any moment when you see HEATHER ARMFIELD looking so vibrant amid all that foliage.

Heather is a receptionist and a real dolly.

She's so gorgeous she ought to be kept in diamonds and furs, and have her husband buy her a yacht as well, and if it doesn't work out that way someone is falling down on his responsibilities.

Dollies who look like radiant springtime are made to be spoiled. If you're too hard-up to spoil yours excessively, write a her a poem.

Beautiful Britons - No 207 February 1973

Sadie Milligan

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But You're A Big Girl Now

Little girls are the enchanting subject of the song.

When SADIE MILLIGAN was a little girl, she was a terror. Well, that's what all the other little girls said, but as for the little boys, ah, that's different. They shared their apples with her, and Billy always gave her half his jelly babies.

Sadie looked ever so cute reading her children's book in front of her slate.

But you're a big girl now, Sadie. I know I am (said Sadie) but I still like to wear my old-fashioned knickers. They remind me of Santa Claus in his red flannel nightgown.

If you can see the connection, we can't.

It must be something to do with having a warm, cosy childhood when you're a little girl.

Beautiful Britons No 192 - November 1971

Margaret Carmichael

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A Book, A Bird and a Cosy Glow

By the fireside a winter's evening can be a lovely cosy glow. Scots’ girl MARGARET CARMICHAEL was all cosy glow as she relaxed on the rug with a good book. If there was only room for one more Harry McGurgle would be there with her, he's mad about good books and even madder about delicious birds and a cosy glow.

Margaret is a secretary, looks lovely taking dictation and entrancing tapping her typewriter. She measures 36-23-35. That may be nothing to do with typing, but it does indicate why she looks so good at it.

Beautiful Britons - No 207 February 1973

Janet de Bollet

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Fashion War Communique

Communique No. 47A issued from Modern Gear G.H.Q to Hotpants Division read:

"Instruct Elsie Golightly to advance on Leicester and Nottingham, enemy bombardment of maxi skirts and velvet knickers blanketing both towns and smothering inhabitants. Liberate them."

It was signed by General A. Geary.

Reply from the Hotpants Division was as follows.

"Elsie Golightly gone over to the enemy and velvet knickers. Suggest we send JANET DE BOLLET instead. Janet will slay them. Photographs enclosed as proof." To which Modern Gear G.H.Q replied with communique No. 47B.

"Instruct Janet de Bollet to report here immediately. Where have you been hiding her? Champagne will be uncorked at 19.30, candlelight will commence at 19.45." It was signed Bert.

Spick No 211 - June 1971

Tina Reynolds

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Tina

Typical of the verve and ebullience of today's dolly birds is the gay approach to life of TINA REYNOLDS.

Brown-haired and green-eyed, Tina measures 36-24-35, and her main interests are of the sporting kind. She's a willowy participant in squash, badminton and table tennis.

She also likes flying and hopes one day to do her solo stint.

Except that she's just become engaged and her fiancé doesn't think much of any flying stint which is so solo that he's left on the ground.

Maria Lynley

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Don't Ring Off

The phone rang and MARIA LYNLEY answered it.

"Hello," she said, "who's that?"

"It's me," said Harry.

"Who's you?" said Maria.

"Harry," said Harry.

"Is it about the telly?" said Maria.

“I haven't got one," said Harry, "I keep chickens. Can you come out tonight?"

“I'll ask my husband," said Maria, a lovely young Leicester housewife.

"Oh sock me," said Harry, "isn't that Ethel?"

"No, it isn't," said Maria, "it's me."

"Who's you?" said Harry.

"Maria," said Maria, "goodbye, Harry."

"No, don't ring off," said Harry, "you don't half sound cracking."

"Saucebox," giggled Maria and put the phone down.

Beautiful Britons No - 182 January 1971

Linda Room

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Ah, That's Better

It had been a hard day’s day for model LINDA ROOM, currently working in West Berlin.

All those fashions had been hot. When they made a model exhibit the warm allure of winter furs in the summer, you bet it's hot.

Linda couldn't get home to her apartment quickly enough. Quickly removing confining garments, she got into something comfy.

Eh?

Then clad in something comfy she took a long cool drink.

She felt a lot better then.

And she looked awfully comfy.

Pamela Johnston

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Travelling Dolly

Girl who loves wandering is PAMELA JOHNSTON of Glasgow.

Pam is a secretary and one of the modern kind who likes to work her way around the wonders of the world. She's been all over Europe, all over Canada and the U.S.A.

Some people can't even take a bus ride without feeling lost once they've gone past the fourpenny stage. But Pam inherits the spirit of her ancestors who explored the world by sailing ship and horseback.

She's thinking of doing the Rockies on a mule.

Lucky old mule.

Span No 198 - February 1971

Sandy Blair

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Poetical Pin-Up

Poetical Pin-Up

A girl must do a steady job of work in order to earn herself acceptable board and lodging, but that doesn't mean she has to become as soulless as her typewriter.

If you've got poetry in your heart, as SANDY BLAIR of Canterbury has, it can take more than a rattling commercial keyboard to smother it. Sandy likes to write poetry every spare moment she can get, and none of it starts off on the lines of 'Violets are blue. or roses are red . .

It's much more like

Ah, brooding walls of glass and lime

That soar in concrete grey

Come down, dark walls, come down

And crumble.

Sort of modern and passionate.

Sandy is a poem herself, and lovely to look at as well.

Spick No 246 - May 1974

Jo Ritchie

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Waiting for Winter

Looking very photogenic by her fireside is Hampshire girl JO RITCHIE.

Jo, who works in an office in Bournemouth, is staking her claim to the warmest spot on the rug while she waits for winter.

One thing that's nice about winter is a long cosy evening by the fireside with a good book or a thriller on the telly.

One thing that's even nicer is Jo.

Beautiful Britons No 182 - January 1971

Anita St George

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Anthropology Must Have Charm

University student ANITA ST.GEORGE has brains as well as beauty. Since it isn't difficult for us to show you just how beautiful she is, it's only fair to give you a written description of her brains. Otherwise, she'll think - and so will you - that we only care about her looks.

Anita has the keenest brains you could wish for in any girl. She passed her entrance exams standing on her head, as it were. And just to convince you we're not fooling; we must point out that at university Anita's main subject is anthropology.

Anthropology, of course, is the scientific study of homo sapiens. All a of us. A more involved and a more difficult subject than the human race has still to be invented.

It's always sounded like something only Freud could find truly fascinating, but it must have charm to fascinate a girl like Anita. We've sent her an extremely well written note asking her to come up and study us over a pot of China tea. Her conclusions may be somewhat shattering but it's one way of enjoying her company and appreciating her intellect.

Spick No 210 - May 1971