Lucille Esterhazy

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From Paris To London

"Ah, mon ami," said the French bird to the London taxi driver.

"Darling, I'm all yours," said the cabbie, thus giving the lie to the suggestion that his fraternity are inclined to be a bit boorish.

“I am to go to Bayswater,” she said.

“Jump in, doll,” said the cabbie.

“First,” said LUCILLE ESTERHAZY, who had come over from Paris to live in London, "here is my big bag and my small bag, also my portmanteau please to put them in the taxi for me.' The cabbie nearly did his coconut at this, but Lucille with her green eyes and her French mini took him out of his turmoil with the sweetest smile, and off they went to Bayswater with the taxi piled like a pantechnicon. And when he was unloading his cab, he ventured a chivalrous proposition.

“Like me to show you the town one night, Fifi?”

“How gallant,” said Lucille, “but I am not Fifi, I am incognito.”

“Incog who?”

“It means I remain not at home to strange men,” said Lucille.

“I'm not strange, I'm Harry,” said the enthusiastic cabbie.

‘So? Ah, we have met only to part,” said Lucille. “Au revoir, Arry.” “So long, doll,” said Harry, who knew when to remain inscrutable. Still, she did wave him goodbye.

Lucille works as a receptionist in London and is having a lovely time, thank you.

Span No 200 - April 1971

Jennifer Taylor

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Please, Teacher

When you're a student you rely an awful lot on your teacher, and when JENNIFER TAYLOR was in the sixth all the boys in her class couldn't help noticing that all the male teachers were ever so dedicated to their vocation.

They all paid so much attention to Jennifer's reliance on their professional assistance.

She only had to say, "Please teacher," and one of them was there jogging her elbow and helping her phenomenally with her French verbs.

The other students said it was sheer favouritism.

“I heard you say that, Smith,” called the science master, "but what would you do in my place ?"

"I'd jog her elbow too," said Smith.

"Cheeky," said Jennifer.

This is how Jennifer looked when she was a student doing her homework. It was all like giddy St. Trinian's style then. Oh, happy days.

Span No 198 - February 1971

Marilyn Ward

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Do Belt Up

Having worn tights for several years, beauty queen MARILYN WARD didn't quite know how to cope with all the straps and clips of a suspender belt, and the whole thing seemed to be all loose ends.

Well, everyone had been saying that nylons were coming back, and Marilyn didn't want to be left out, like. And she didn't want to be beaten. She got the belt all fixed up in the end and when it all came undone again at the first deep breath, she took she wasn't half ratty.

Still, it was all a bit of a giggle, really.

Spick & Span Extra No 55 - Summer 1975

Marie Graham and Nicola Taylor

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More Sun, More Fun

Out they went into the sun again, those two Hampshire housewives, MARIE GRAHAM and NICOLA TAYLOR. Well, they're all for giggles, and where there's sun there's fun.

They found a three-wheeled scooter, and that was just the job for a one-legged scoot round the farm if only they hadn't both tried to use it at the same time.

"What are you following us for?" asked Marie.

"Just for the fun of it, " said the photographer.

"Well, do excuse my stocking-tops, won't you?" said Marie.

"It's too warm for maxis, you see," said Marie.

"It's quite all right with me, "said the photographer.

Oh, good show," said Nicola.

She didn't know what she was saying.

Beautiful Britons No 192 - November 1971

Ruth Cavendish

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Found In The Mail

It was just one more large envelope among a multitude of other envelopes in the mail but imagine our undiluted joy when out of it fell a photograph of our bonny Scot, RUTH CAVENDISH.

Ruth is simply delicious.

Pin-ups from North of the Border all have that well-known bonny look, none more so than Miss Cavendish.

White teeth, laughing eyes and curves.

You don't find them like that every day in the mail. We'd have told our postman about her but he's a non-starter in any conversation that doesn't revolve around his tender feet.

Beautiful Britons No 174 - May 1970

Julie Mitchell

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Student Teacher

Training to be a teacher is JULIE MITCHELL.

Julie is a Midlands girl and as well as being ever so brainy she's also ever so dishy. Her pupils are going to welcome her with open arms, especially the boys.

Julie's subjects are English and Maths. And she's a lovely netballer, as well as a corking tennis player. Some school's going to get quite an acquisition.

Anyone wanting to enrol?

Spick & Span Extra No 55 - Summer 1975

Caroline Spencer

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Housewife and Secretary

The epitome of feminine perfection today must be that which is brought about by a girl who is a loving housewife, an efficient secretary and absolutely smashing.

Absolutely smashing is CAROLINE SPENCER.

Housewife and secretary, Caroline can even make male hippies quiver at the knees. Male hippies don't normally react to anything or anybody unless it or they look like something that just got pushed over a cliff. We’re not anti-hippy. Don't think that. It's just that when they grow up, they won't have any tender memories, only ones like "When I was young, I lived in bus shelters and got lousy.”

Caroline is our bet for the housewife we'd most like to make a souffle with.

Many a Mrs. like Caroline makes life lovely in the kitchen.

Spick & Span Extra No 35 - Summer 1970

Ruth Cavendish and Anne Scott

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Can You See Ferdinand

Up in this part of the Scottish Highlands there's a farm that wanders over countless acres, and if you're anywhere near watch out for Ferdinand.

RUTH CAVENDISH in the ankle boots and ANNE SCOTT in the high boots were near enough on this occasion to feel just a mite nervous. So much so that they hitched up their skirts to be all ready to vamoose if Ferdinand did appear.

And sure, enough a pair of inimical horns hove into view eventually and our two lovelies did not stand upon their going but went.

'"Hold on,' panted Ruth after a mile or so, "that's not Ferdinand, that's

Bessie."

"Oh, how sweet," said Anne.

Bessie, of course, is Ferdinand's lovable mate.

Span No 200 - April 1971

Brandy Scott

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Brandy For Hair?

If you think this is all about how to stop your hair falling out by giving it brandy, you must be going bald or something.

We are actually referring to BRANDY SCOTT, a most intriguingly named dolly from the southwest.

It's Brandy's ambition, as a talented amateur dramatics performer and a dancer who naturally delights the eye, to appear in the musical HAIR. Girls of extremely noteworthy talent have appeared in this fabulously modern musical, and Brandy would make one more never-to-be-forgotten member of the cast.

Span No 212 - April 1972

Anne Duke

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A Picture Of Health

Beauty queen ANNE DUKE is what we call a picture of health.

It helps, of course, to have a figure of 37-24-36, since in the eye of the beholder this gives any girl a good start in the health stakes.

Anne was born in Wales and now lives in Berkshire, where she is able to indulge one of her passions car driving amid miles and miles of quiet countryside.

Driving her Mini is something Anne adores; she just loves to be behind the wheel.

How about boyfriends, then?

Boyfriends (said Anne) are marvellous, because you can always ring them up and have them change a wheel or unclog a carburettor or something. Boyfriends mustn't only be good-natured and dishy; they must also be practical as well.

At twenty-one, Anne is no slowcoach when it comes to assessing the masculine qualities that appeal most to her.

Span No 200 - April 1971

Jean Aston

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Victoriana Was Never Like This

Victoriana was bric-a-brac, red flannel and whacking great pieces of furniture. It still is. Only people collect it now instead of throwing it away.

Victoriana was music-hall.

The music-hall featured girls in funny tights and yards of lace, and sometimes male impersonators in top hats.

A girl like JEAN ASTON looks great in a top hat, but you couldn't include her in any Victorian set-up.

The top hat would have been approved but not the skimpy undies, they'd have locked her up and sent out for a dress that reached to her ankles.

Oh well, san fairy.

She's acceptable in this modern age. And she only sings and dances for amateur shows. There's always a rush to fill the seats, of course, a because a lovely amateur can be an audience's idea of sheer delight.

Beautiful Britons No 192 - November 1971

Tiffany Trace

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Tiffany

That's a name that's caught on lately.

It certainly suits a certain lively, lovely blonde dolly called TIFFANY TRACE.

Tiffany is a riding-school instructress and can teach even the most awkward-looking pupil to develop a graceful seat. She's nineteen, has green eyes and intends in due course to see the world-probably on horseback.

Besides being good with horses she can also paint and her main outdoor activity, aside from an exhilarating gallop, is archery.

If your only interest is going down to the corner shop for fish and chips, you'll be inert in five year’s time. Buy yourself a saddle and look for a horse.

Span No 200 - April 1971